


… Like I Had A Heart

by mirogeorgiev97



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, Canon Rewrite, Conspiracy, Desire, Drama, During Canon, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Game: Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, Game: Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories, Hatred, Heavy Angst, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Male Friendship, Mild Language, Organization XIII (Kingdom Hearts), Slice of Life, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Swearing, Tension, Twilight Town (Kingdom Hearts)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:14:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24102685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirogeorgiev97/pseuds/mirogeorgiev97
Summary: Axel has worked for the Organization for ten years, having slain thousands of Heartless throughout his career. When the Organization finally inducts its longed-for thirteenth member into its ranks, Axel's curiosity is piqued. What he doesn't expect is how much this new recruit will change his life in 358 days. This is their story.
Relationships: Axel & Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 24





	1. Day 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Organization has finally found its thirteenth member, and Axel is assigned to guide the new recruit around headquarters.

I stood alone as I listened to the snare drums announcing the march that has captivated me ever since I first heard it in my mission to a distant world called “Leningrad.” Though I never found anything of interest to the Superior, besides the usual Heartless I had to kill, I did leave that world with this infectious tune stuck in my head.

The theme began with the plucking of the strings — [_pluck, pluck, pluck-PLUCK, pluck_](https://open.spotify.com/track/3G7ArjcTxjOB5KBYr3dCz2?si=Xq3YHlsiSKqb9aQzfRlZQQ)* — before giving way to a flute solo singing in the same pattern — _doo, doo, doo-DOO, doo…_ The piccolo would join, and then the oboe would follow, calling out the same tune, and the bassoon would reply, always alternating between oboe and bassoon, oboe, bassoon… This pattern would continue in a crescendo until the entire orchestra would join together to scream the once fragile-sounding melody in a grotesque fit that reminded me of war and death and carnage — and FIRE!

Ah, yes! Burn, baby, _burn_! Burn with all your might! Let it all _burn_ —

“AXEL!”

Ugh, Saïx, always out to ruin my fun. Every day, I wonder how we were ever friends, back when we were still Lea and Isa. Oh, well, no use crying over pasts that aren’t your own anymore, am I right?

“Yeah, yeah, what is it? Can’t you see I was enjoying myself?”

“If by ‘enjoying yourself,’ you mean sleeping until the mid-afternoon, then I suppose I did see that,” said Saïx. “But that’s neither here nor there.”

“Well, what is it? Who do I have to burn?” I asked, a bored look on my face prominently displayed to spite him.

“No one to… burn,” Saïx said with a hint of disgust. “Instead, we’re going to induct a new member of the Organization.”

“Oh?” Now, he had me intrigued: The Organization hadn’t seen a new member in years. A thirteenth member had eluded us for so long that the Superior, Xemnas, was ready to accelerate our plans without one.

“Yes, a thirteenth member,” said Saïx. “Xemnas was… ecstatic when he brought the news. It was unusual, to say the least.”

“You’re telling me,” I smirked. “That guy always takes himself so seriously with that deep, gravelly voice of his. A shame that I had to miss out on him being ‘happy’ for once.”

Saïx, as usual, was nonplussed.

“Yes, indeed,” he said coolly. “Anyway, you, Axel, are going to take care of this new recruit.”

“Me? You haven’t even told me who they are or what to expect from them. For all I know, they could be a crashing bore, or worse.” I shuddered at the last remark.

“Well, he is a little… diminutive in stature. And he’s very… fresh. The kid can barely talk and —”

“Hold on — a kid?!” I exclaimed, barely containing my laughter. “Did I hear that right?”

“Yes, Axel, a kid. But not just any kid. He has a lot of potential hidden just beneath the surface. Don’t underestimate him. Or waste that potential. Unless you —”

“Unless I want Xemnas to turn me into a Dusk,” I finished. “Yeah, yeah, I got _that_ memorized a long time ago. But, fine, I’ll take care of the kid, provided you give me his name, which you still haven’t done.”

“Roxas,” answered Saïx quickly.

“Roxas…” I echoed. “I like the ring of that.”

“Then, I’m sure the two of you will get along just fine. Now, get out of bed and report to the Round Room before I report you for insubordination.”

“Fine, fine,” I said. I continued muttering to myself even after Saïx left.

One thing was for sure: I was kind of… excited to meet this Roxas kid.

* * *

Every member of the Organization was present on this occasion. Xemnas always said it would be important once we finally got a thirteenth member, so it made sense that we’d all be here — even Demyx was present, and he was both lazy _and_ useless.

The Round Room (officially, Where Nothing Gathers) is a circular throne room, with each throne a different height based on the member’s rank. Xemnas was the furthest back and the tallest since he was Rank I. All the even-numbered members, including me (I was Rank VIII), sat to his right; the odd-numbered members sat to his left, which would soon include Roxas.

Everyone was speaking in hushed tones about the new recruit — well, everyone except Saïx, Xemnas, and me. Saïx and Xemnas were both too self-serious to gossip, but I remained silent for a different reason: I was thinking about all my new responsibilities suddenly thrust upon me. Since this Roxas kid was “fresh,” as Saïx described him, I was going to teach him not only how to be a good and loyal Organization member but also more basic stuff. What he is, who everyone is, who should he trust (or not — we _are_ Nobodies, after all), what things he could enjoy (I couldn’t wait to share my love of sea-salt ice cream with him; no one else was interested) — the whole works, really. My mind’s wandering was interrupted by the creaking of the Round Room’s double doors.

Our new recruit had arrived.

“Gentlemen,” bellowed Xemnas, silencing the rest of us. “And Larxene” — so inclusive — “I am proud to introduce our newest member. Though he is still young and as of yet inexperienced, I see in him the potential of the whole Organization. Come in, Roxas.”

In came a blank-faced boy of about 15 with spiky golden hair and striking blue eyes. He stepped forward tentatively — being surrounded by twelve faceless, hooded Nobodies must’ve been scary for the kid, and I wouldn’t blame him. Except it wasn’t twelve, but eleven — I rarely, if ever, wore my hood up, and Roxas instantly noticed and began staring at me. I must’ve been the first face he had seen since Xemnas found him. That allowed me to take a better look at the kid.

Roxas _was_ short — “diminutive in stature,” as Saïx diplomatically put it — even shorter than Zexion, our chief researcher. His sky-blue eyes seemed a bit lifeless and dull now, perhaps because there was no natural light shining on them. His pupils were slightly dilated — it _was_ pretty bright in this room, considering it was all white. Roxas’s face was soft and non-threatening. Depending on who you’d ask, this could serve him either as an asset or a disadvantage. But from what I could gather just based on his appearance, I’d say Roxas seemed like the odd man — or boy, really — out. Whereas the rest of us were some shade of scary or no-nonsense — even Zexion, that cute little nerd, had some surprises in store — Roxas seemed out of place. I couldn’t quite place it, but he seemed too… “pure”? Is that it? If he was a Nobody — and who am I to question Xemnas’s wisdom? — he was certainly a different kind of Nobody.

“Wh-where am I?” Roxas asked, more than a little dazed.

“You are home, Roxas,” Xemnas answered. “Welcome to the Organization. You have already met me. I am Xemnas, the Superior of the In-Between and leader of the Organization. Number VIII here will be your guide to this castle, as well as many of the worlds you will travel to.”

“The name’s Axel,” I called out to Roxas, waving at him. “Got it memorized?” I tapped the side of my head for emphasis.

“Y-yeah,” he answered nervously.

“Soon, you will meet the rest of our members,” Xemnas continued, “but for now, you are all dismissed.”

And in an instant, everyone vanished, leaving just Roxas and me. I guess the rest of us weren’t nearly as eager to meet him as I was. Oh, well. Their loss.

“Quite the show, huh, Roxas?” I asked.

“I suppose so.” He looked down at his feet.

“Don’t be shy, little one. You’ll be safe with me.” _Little one?_ What am I, his big brother? I’m a cold-blooded killer, not a sibling! But somehow, that just… slipped. Felt right, even.

“All right,” Roxas said a bit more confidently, breaking my train of thought. Well, calling him “little one” seemed to do the trick.

“Honestly, I’m surprised you made it here. This castle is pretty big, full of rooms even I haven’t visited.”

“Xemnas led me here. But you’re right — someone could get lost in here, especially when all the rooms are painted white.”

“Yeah, Xemnas likes it that way. He isn’t exactly a design expert. If I had it my way, I’d paint it all red, orange, and yellow — the color of flames!” I was way too excited at that last part, which made Roxas giggle a bit.

“Kind of like your hair,” he added, pointing at my spiky locks.

“And that too. Say, why don’t you come with me to a world called Twilight Town?”

“That’s where I’m from — I think. At least, that’s where Xemnas found me.”

“Even better! A familiar locale means less work for both of us.”

“Why do you want to take me there? Didn’t Xemnas say you were supposed to guide me around the castle?”

“Well, yes, but we have all day for that. Besides, I want to share something neat I found there that I think you’d like.”

“And what’s that?”

“Sea-salt ice cream!” I beamed.

“Sea-salt ice cream?” Roxas echoed, a bit confused. “That doesn’t sound very appetizing.”

“Oh, but it is! Just wait till you try it. Then, you’ll take back what you just said.”

“Well, if you say so. I suppose you’d know better than me.”

Yes! Soon, I will induct him to the cult of the sea-salt ice cream. Nothing was going to stop me —

“Axel!”

 _Saïx!_ Always just when I’m about to have fun, he shows up. It’s like he has a sixth sense for any time he thinks I’m up to no good.

“Who are you?” Roxas asked.

“The name is Saïx,” he answered coolly. “I’m sure Axel is guiding you throughout the facilities here and not blabbing about sea-salt ice cream.”

“Uh—”

“Relax, Saïx! It’s not like it’s going to take all day, you know.”

“Even so, I’d prefer it if you stayed focused on the task at hand. You know how much I hate time being wasted.”

“Ugh, fine, fine, Your Lunar Majesty. First, I’ll show the kid around this boring place; _then_ , I’ll take him to Twilight Town and share with him the resplendent joys of sea-salt ice cream. Deal?”

“Deal,” Saïx grumbled, annoyed that I successfully negotiated with him. “But you better keep your word, Flurry of Dancing Flames. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Certainly, Luna Diviner,” I said with a wink. Saïx quickly disappeared through a Corridor of Darkness.

“Anyway, where were we?” I turned to Roxas, who stared at me like a deer in the headlights. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. That guy — Saïx — you don’t seem to like him much. And he doesn’t either.”

“You’d be correct,” I grumbled. The kid was perceptive, but he was also understating things: I _despised_ Saïx, and the feeling was mutual. If most of the Organization members bored me, like Lexaeus and Xaldin, or mildly irritated me, like Xigbar or Larxene, then Saïx was unique for being the one member I unambiguously _hated_. But I really didn’t want to involve Roxas in these petty dramas so soon. After all, he’s the new kid, and there will be plenty of time for that later. Right now, I had to play tour guide for a day so that I could reward myself — and him — with a frozen treat.

“Don’t worry about it, kiddo,” I reassured him. “I’m going to teach you all I know about this place, and you’ll have it memorized in no time.”

“All right. By the way, what were those names you called each other?”

“What? Oh, those names! They’re our titles. I’m the ‘Flurry of Dancing Flames’ because my element is fire. Saïx is the ‘Luna Diviner’ because he’s obsessed with the moon. You have a title, too, don’t you?”

“I’m not sure. I am still new, right?”

“Right! That will come later. Right now, I still have to guide you. Come with me.”

* * *

The Castle That Never Was, as this place was called, was a vast building, the largest in the whole World That Never Was. It floated above the Dark City, whose streets were infested with Heartless. The Organization’s position on the Heartless was… ambivalent, at best: If we didn’t outright kill them for being a nuisance to us, we’d use them toward Xemnas’s grand plan to summon Kingdom Hearts, which he claimed would bring our hearts back (since Nobodies are just a special kind of Heartless if you think about it) and make us whole again. I didn’t really care about that anymore, since killing Heartless felt more like a chore akin to rooting out pests. But what do I know? I’m just a mid-ranking Organization member.

Anyway, the Castle That Never Was: I showed Roxas around many of the most important locations. These were our sleeping quarters (each member had their own room), the Grey Area (a lounge area and mission briefing room), the Library (where all the books were), and the Hall of Empty Melodies (our training ground). I avoided the Soundless Prison (I was not prepared to explain the concept of a “prison” to Roxas just yet) and the Computer Room (that was the researchers’ domain; Zexion and Vexen could explain its purpose better than I could). Apart from Xemnas, Saïx, and maybe Xigbar, I don’t think anyone had ever visited the Proof of Existence (I know I hadn’t).

“Well, I think that about covers it for today,” I told him. “Got it memorized?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Roxas replied.

“Good, so you ready to head out to Twilight Town?”

“Sure.”

“Remember: Just concentrate, and a Corridor of Darkness will appear for you to step through.”

It no longer took me any effort to think of a place and head to it, but the advice wasn’t unwarranted for Roxas. He narrowed his brows, and just a few seconds later, a portal appeared. The kid learned fast, I’ll give him that.

* * *

They always sold ice cream near the same place: the Station Clock Tower, the tallest building in the whole town. Smart move — it meant everyone knew exactly where to go for a delicious treat, including yours truly.

The Organization always gave its members large allowances as payment for killing hundreds of Heartless. The munny usually went toward potions and other expensive items, but no one ever said you couldn’t indulge yourself, which we all did to some degree.

Zexion could never resist the temptation to buy more books. Vexen had to have the latest gadgets and tech for his creepy experiments. Marluxia was a sucker for flowers — especially roses and chrysanthemums, the pretty boy. Larxene had appearances to keep up — the better to catch her enemies off guard when she zapped them with lightning, she claimed; I was inclined to believe her. Of course, I could never, ever say, “No,” to the one cold thing my fiery self didn’t just tolerate, but craved!

Roxas didn’t have any munny with him since he hadn’t completed any missions yet, so I bought us both ice cream and handed him his bar. I suggested that we head up the Clock Tower to watch the sunset together as we ate. I used to do it alone, and I had grown bored of that, but I suspected some other reason was also involved that made me want Roxas to accompany me, though I couldn’t pin what exactly that was.

“So, what do you think?” I asked Roxas.

“Hm, it’s salty, but it’s also really sweet,” he answered. Somehow, his pointing out the obvious made me laugh — genuinely laugh — for the first time since I could remember. I had no idea why that happened; normally, such comments would make my eyes roll, but this was different. Roxas took notice.

“What? Did I say something silly?”

“Oh, no, not at all,” I reassured him, the laughter dying away. “It’s just not the answer that I was looking for!”

“And what _was_ the answer you were looking for?” he asked.

“Well, did you like it?”

“Oh!” Roxas called out in realization. “Yeah, I did! I was surprised that I’d like it.”

“That’s good to hear!” I said proudly. “Say, why don’t we make this a thing, just between the two of us?” _That was odd, yet totally fitting._

“After every mission,” I continued, “we head out here and eat ice cream and watch the sunset. Got it memorized?”

“Sure!” Roxas beamed. It was the first time I had seen him smile, and the first time I “felt” anything other than boredom, annoyance, or barely suppressed hatred and contempt. I think this feeling if I dared call it that was “accomplishment,” and his smile made me realize that.

It may have been only the first day, but I knew this Roxas kid was different from all the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * The "Leningrad" reference was to Dmitri Shostakovich's Symphony No. 7 in C Major, which he dedicated to the besieged city of Leningrad during World War II (basically, Axel is a casual classical music fan because I love classical music). Almost all musical references will be either to classical music or to the music of Kingdom Hearts by Yoko Shimomura. I intend on making the music an essential part of understanding Axel's character, especially in later chapters. For now, it's just another odd quirk that marks him as different from the rest of the Organization that only a few members can appreciate.


	2. Day 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel teaches Roxas more about his role in the Organization and accompanies him on his first mission to slay a Heartless. The new recruit keeps surprising him, and he likes it.

I was surprised to have found myself awoken, not by Saïx, ready to lecture me about how enjoying myself was a waste of time, but by the force of my own will, far earlier than usual. My bedroom seemed so much emptier and vaster than it really was — probably because I was sitting in bed alone, wide awake. Then a thought crossed my mind: _I should see Roxas._ Why should I see Roxas? Because I felt like it! So, I quickly got dressed and traveled through a Corridor of Darkness to his room, where I found him sitting on his bed, staring blankly, seemingly unfazed by my sudden appearance. I first waved at him, but that didn’t catch his attention.

“Hey, buddy!” I announced perhaps a bit too loudly. Roxas blinked, then his eyes regained some life as they settled on mine.

“Oh. Hey, Axel,” Roxas responded flatly, but politely. “What brings you here?”

“I just wanted to see you, how you’re doing, that sort of thing,” I said. A part of me chided myself for showing this much concern for Roxas’s well-being, but another justified it, saying, _Well, he_ is _the new kid, after all._

“I’ve been having these weird thoughts lately,” Roxas said. _That was cryptic_ , I thought.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, what am I here for?” It seems like as good a day as any to start teaching all the other things I was planning on doing anyway.

“You’re here because the Organization needs you,” I said.

“But why do you need me?” No accusatory tone, just genuine curiosity. _Patience, Axel. There’s a lot of information to unpack._

“Hm, do me a small favor for me: Summon your weapon.”

“What?” Roxas seemed befuddled. _Hm, too direct_ , I thought.

“Every Organization member can summon a weapon that reflects their attribute,” I began. “For example, since I’m the Flurry of Dancing Flames, I can summon fire and these bad boys.”

In suitably spectacular fashion, two flaming rings appeared in each of my hands before solidifying into the spoked, red-and-silver chakrams that I’ve used to slay thousands of Heartless. I called them “Eternal Flames.” Roxas stared at me with the wide eyes of a child who had seen a magic trick.

“Wow! You mean that I can do _that_?”

“Well, not exactly what _I_ could do, but something similar, yes.”

“But what are these weapons for?”

“You kill Heartless with them,” I replied a bit too casually.

“Kill Heartless? What’s killing? And what are Heartless?”

Oh, boy. Ethics _and_ metaphysics. On the same day! Zexion would _love_ this, but _I’m_ the one here teaching the new kid, not him. Where to begin?

“The Heartless are creatures made of pure darkness,” I began. “In other words, they’re bad. Because they’re bad, we have to kill them. To ‘kill’ means to end the life of something by force, and the only way to do that is with weapons. Got it memorized?” That was a lot. Way more than explaining what a prison is, now that I think about it. Surprisingly, the kid took it in remarkable stride.

“All right,” Roxas said rather solemnly. “So, that’s what I’m here for. But how do I summon my weapon?”

“Remember how you had to concentrate on a place to summon a Corridor of Darkness to Twilight Town?” I asked.

“Yeah?”

“The same basic principle applies with summoning a weapon, too. But you have to concentrate entirely within yourself.”

“What do you mean?” Roxas was losing me.

“You’re not thinking of a place to go to, which you have some idea of already. You’re focusing on figuring out an attribute that is unique to you. To use myself as an example again, only I can summon fire; no one else can.”

“So, I have to think only of myself until my weapon appears in my hand?”

“No, not _of_ yourself — _within_ yourself,” I clarified, pointing at his head. “You’re trying to pull something from inside of you into the real world. What was once in your head is now outside of it, too.” I really hoped I was making sense.

“I see…” he said, sounding a bit despondent.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, crouching down to his level.

“Nothing. It’s just…” Roxas trailed off, just as Saïx arrived.

“Oh, there you are. You’re up remarkably early, Axel.” He sounded just a tad bit livelier than he typically was.

“Just checking up on the new kid, is all.”

“I see. Well, since the two of you are in the same place, I might as well tell you both what you need to do for today. Axel, you will take Roxas to Twilight Town to kill his first Heartless. And Roxas, you will —”

“Hold on, Saïx!” I interrupted. “The kid hasn’t even summoned his weapon yet. In fact, that’s what we were discussing before you arrived.”

“What do you mean he hasn’t summoned his weapon yet?!” he asked, consternation written all over his face. “An Organization member incapable of summoning their weapons is as good as useless. Even Demyx could summon his on the first day —”

“Give the kid time, Saïx. You and Xemnas both said he’s special, and here you are, not even giving him a chance. Who’s wasting his potential here?”

“This is an impossibly easy mission, Axel! If you’re telling me the kid still needs time, then I’m afraid Xemnas will have no choice but to turn him into a —”

It was at that moment that Roxas surprised us both, in more ways than one. How he managed to summon his weapon amid such concentration-breaking chaos was beyond me, but what it was that he summoned was genuinely astounding: The Keyblade.

“So, Xemnas was right…” Saïx gasped soberly, barely above a whisper.

“Right? Right about what?” I asked.

“Don’t you see, Axel? _This_ was what the Organization has been looking for for so long! A Keyblade wielder…”

“Wait, why?” Roxas suddenly queried.

Saïx was about to answer, but I knew he would not speak at Roxas’s level, so I butted in.

“You know how we just went over what our weapons are for, Roxas?”

“Yeah?” he nodded.

“Well, a Keyblade is different from all our weapons. When we strike down Heartless with our weapons, we only kill them, and they disappear from the world forever. But a Keyblade doesn’t kill Heartless.”

“It doesn’t? Then how’s it a weapon?”

“You still have to strike down Heartless just as Saïx and I have to, but instead of killing them, you ‘release’ them — you make them float to that heart-shaped moon. You’ve seen it before, right?”

Roxas furrowed his brows together as if in thought before he nodded his head.

“That is Kingdom Hearts,” Saïx interrupted. “Release enough Heartless, and Xemnas can summon Kingdom Hearts, and we can all finally, truly exist.”

Roxas seemed both perplexed and unnerved, as though he suddenly had a thousand more questions that he couldn’t even begin to ask.

“Uh, Saïx, I don’t think he understood that.”

“I’m aware,” he said through gritted teeth. “Anyway, Roxas, all you have to do for today is release one Heartless, and you will be rewarded accordingly.”

“He means he’ll pay ya!” I clarified before Saïx punched his elbow into my side. Nevertheless, I persisted, adding, “That means you can pay for your own ice cream!”

That made Roxas smile and Saïx groan obnoxiously.

“Is that _all_ you ever think about?” Saïx asked rhetorically.

“Besides burning my enemies to ashes? Yes, yes, I do.” That made him palm his face, which in turn forced a giggle out of Roxas.

I was definitely going to enjoy this.

* * *

Before we headed out to release Roxas’s first Heartless, I suggested to Saïx that we first head to the Hall of Empty Melodies to shape him up a bit, to which he surprisingly agreed. Roxas needed to learn the basics of swinging that thing if he was going to stand a chance against even the easiest of Heartless. It’s one thing to have a weapon, but it’s quite another to actually _know_ what you’re doing with it, even if it _is_ technically a part of you anyway.

“All right, Roxas, here you will learn the basics of fighting,” Saïx explained. “Before you even think of swinging your blade, you need to adopt a stance that fits with your weapon. Since the Keyblade is rather large, two hands should suffice in keeping a strong grip on it.” Roxas did as suggested and held the blade two-handed.

“Good, but that’s only part of your stance. The rest —”

“The rest is all footwork, buddy,” I interrupted. I was doing that a lot more of that than usual. Saïx wasn’t angry, just disappointed that I stole his thunder once again.

“Yes, what Axel said,” Saïx continued. “Speaking of whom, why don’t you teach Roxas the finer points of footwork, Axel?”

“With pleasure,” I grinned. Saïx disappeared into a Corridor of Darkness, most likely to wake the others up. It was just Roxas and me now, and I preferred it that way.

“All right, buddy,” I began cheerfully, “you heard the boss. I can already tell you exactly what’s wrong with your stance just by looking at you.”

“What is it?” Roxas asked.

“You look stiff as a statue, and that’s not gonna help you in fighting a Heartless. Relax a bit. Spread your legs a little, and plant them firmly into the ground. Show ’em who’s boss, ya know?” Roxas did as told, but the way he positioned his weapon — right in front of him from the belly out — still seemed unnatural to me.

“Am I doing it right?” he asked, looking up at me.

“You’re getting there, but doesn’t the way you’re holding your Keyblade feel a bit… uncomfortable?”

“Yeah, it kinda does.” Roxas tried various ways of holding it — over his head like some action hero; one-handed, blade tip pointing at the ground; two-handed again, but slightly to his left — before settling on what felt most comfortable to him. He held the Keyblade two-handed to his right, blade facing out, his knees slightly bent, but his feet almost growing out of the ground.

“Loosen up a little. You’re still too stiff.”

“How?” Roxas looked on intensely, as though already calculating his next move.

“Your feet,” I said.

“What about them?”

“They look like they’re rooted to the floor. ‘Planting our feet firmly to the ground’ doesn’t mean ‘becoming one with the ground,’ ya know!” I laughed reassuringly.

“Oh,” Roxas blushed. “But what if the Heartless knocks me off my feet?”

“Relax, kiddo,” I said. “It’s not like it’ll be _that_ tough.”

“Okay, but how do I ‘loosen up’?” he asked.

“You need to be able to move forward and back and side to side so that you can dodge its attacks. Try doing that with your current stance.”

As I expected, Roxas was a bit clumsy and insecure with his footing, constantly tripping and catching himself.

“See what I mean?”

“Yeah,” Roxas blushed again.

“You’re like a plant being ripped from the ground by some big gust of wind. Fighting is a lot like… hm, dancing.” _Was that a bad comparison?_

“Dancing? What’s that?”

“Dancing is when you move along to music in a way that kinda resembles the music. You _have_ heard of music, right?”

“I think so.” _I forgot — Roxas has only been around two days! But he did say he “thought” so. Ah, whatever. I’ll explain it to him anyway._

“Music is what happens when you set noise to a pattern that sounds good to the ear,” I explained.

“So, dancing is trying to follow that pattern along?”

“Exactly! Now you’re getting it.”

“But how does dancing compare to fighting?”

“When a Heartless attacks you, it’s following a certain pattern. Every time it thinks it has found a weak spot — like a poor stance — it strikes, but you have to figure that out before it does so that you’re the one striking. You’re both ‘dancing’ with each other, but the goal is to stop the dance as soon as possible.”

“I think I get it: The Heartless and I both seek patterns, and we try to break them.”

“Yes, but you especially: You’re trying to break the pattern first.”

“And when I do?”

“Eventually, you’ll have beaten your first Heartless.”

“I have to do all that in the heat of the moment?”

“Pretty much.”

“How? How do _you_ do that?”

“Hm… Think about nothing else. Just concentrate on the movements the Heartless is making and catch them before they can attack you.”

Roxas gave me a blank stare.

“I think you need a demonstration.”

“I think so too.”

“Okay, then. You sit down and just watch and learn.”

I summoned two things: my Eternal Flames and an Assassin, a powerful Lesser Nobody under my control. I took my stance: Legs spread apart, knees slightly bent, leaning forward head-first, arms spread out as far from my body as possible. I leaped forward and started swinging, right chakram first, then left chakram, catching the Assassin entirely off guard. It tried to make a move, but I blocked it before it could reach my face. The last thing I needed was an ugly scar like Xigbar’s, especially over a demonstration. I backed off and threw one of my chakrams at the Assassin, spinning with enough force to catch fire and hit it square in the head, knocking it out. The chakram returned to its rightful place soon after. The Assassin tried to get up, but I figured demonstration time was over, so I put away Eternal Flames and snapped my fingers, instantly setting the whole creature ablaze. It never stood a chance against me.

Roxas stared at me in stunned silence and got up, taking his stance, which seemed… lighter and more confident.

“Axel, I want to try something.”

“What is it?”

“Fight me.”

“What? Are you crazy?! You saw what I did to that thing!”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, I want to practice on you.”

“You’re crazy, buddy. But if you insist.” I summoned my Eternal Flames once again, but before I could make a move, Roxas was already rushing toward me like a little bull. _Damn, that kid is fast!_ I had to jump back several times to create some distance between us, at which point I threw a chakram at him. Roxas’s eyes widened, and he flopped to the ground, dodging it by a hair, but he quickly got up and continued charging. I swung my other chakram, but this time, Roxas brandished his Keyblade just in time not only to block it but send it flying straight back at me, which I caught fast enough to adopt a defensive posture, legs and weapon closer together. I’ve got to admit: Roxas surprised me more and more by the second, and —

“KIAH!” _Cling!_

“Wooh, that was a close one,” I told him. “You could have almost struck me down right then and there, ya know? And then who’d teach you? Saïx?” Roxas seemed a bit flustered.

“Sorry, I just really wanted to —”

“Don’t apologize for that,” I enjoined seriously. “That Heartless you’ll release won’t accept it one way or the other because _you’re_ the winner, and that’s all that matters.”

“Right,” he nodded.

“Now, let’s take down a Heartless, shall we?”

“All right!” Roxas intoned excitedly.

The kid was ready. I just knew it.

* * *

Saïx didn’t tell us where exactly we’d find the Heartless, just that we had to head to Twilight Town to locate it. Typical Saïx: Always giving simple but vague orders to the underlings with the expectation that they figure out the rest. It amazed me sometimes how the Organization managed to kill as many Heartless as it did with him in charge in Xemnas’s place. Regardless, I had a hunch because I could detect a faint whiff of it in the air coming from a westerly direction. We Organization members are like dogs, in a way: Just as dogs can smell something and pinpoint it without being able to appreciate the scent aesthetically, so we could smell the odor of darkness that accompanies all Heartless without being able to say what darkness smelled like. All I could say is that darkness just smells, and that fact aids us in tracking down when eyes fail us.

“Roxas, see the sunset?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“We’ll head in that direction. Also, can you smell something is… off?”

“A little. Why do you ask?”

“Because Heartless have a smell to them.”

“Really? They sure are strange creatures, aren’t they? What makes them smell?”

“The darkness they’re made of.”

“Woah. That’s just…”

“Weird? I know, but you’ll get used to it. Now, come on. Let’s get to it. We wouldn’t wanna keep the boss waiting.”

“So, no ice cream for today?” Roxas asked suddenly.

“After we report back to Saïx, we can return to Twilight Town for some ice cream. I wouldn’t wanna miss out on that either!” I smiled.

“Okay,” he smiled back.

We made it to the outskirts of Twilight Town, just on the edge of the woods that encircled it. The smell grew a lot stronger, and Roxas noticed too, scrunching up his nose like he smelled something rotten. Strong reaction — the effect was weaker on me, as I only noted earthy tones in the air. Our quarry was close. Then, I could spot two dim yellow orbs in the distance.

“See that?” I noted to Roxas.

“Yeah. That what we’re looking for?”

“I’m sure of it.”

I ordered Roxas to crouch low to the ground and begin walking toward the Heartless slowly. I stood by to act as a reserve in case he needed my help.

Several minutes passed by, and I was getting a little impatient — more because I wanted ice cream and less because I was eager to please Saïx. Perhaps, Roxas was the type, but I wasn’t. I —

Suddenly, a tremendous shriek let out from the depths of the earth, and I realized this was no ordinary Heartless. _Saïx, what are you putting this kid through?_

“Roxas?” I saw he had already taken up his battle stance, a defiant look on his face from what I could tell. Internally, he must’ve been screaming, but he didn’t show that. _Smart move. Show no mercy._

The rest of the creature grew from out of the ground, revealing a huge, tall body, tree trunk-like arms, a tiny head with long feelers, and short, stout legs. Nothing I couldn’t just burn to death with a snap of my fingers, but this was Saïx’s idea of Roxas’s first Heartless: A Darkside. “Impossibly easy,” he said. Easy for _him_ to say. But I suppose the Organization couldn’t afford to waste the kid’s potential by sending him to kill one of those swarmers, so I could see why they decided this lumbering beast would do for him. I just didn’t want to see him get hurt; Roxas was tiny compared to the Heartless, and —

“KIAH!” he yelled as he charged forward. Well, the kid had guts, I’ll give him that.

The Darkside took notice and swung one of its mighty arms to strike at Roxas, but he dodged to his right and kept running. Roxas was aiming for its leg when it took a well-aimed kick to the kid’s stomach, knocking him off his feet.

“ROXAS!” I yelled out, conveniently capturing the Darkside’s attention. “You want a piece of me, Darkside?! Come and get it!” I summoned my Eternal Flames and ejected my right chakram, aiming for the creature’s face, but it only managed to stun it because it hit one of its feelers.

Nevertheless, that gave enough time for Roxas to get up again and deal some real damage, cutting off the Darkside’s left leg, then his right, instantly immobilizing the creature. The Darkside was not happy with that at all, as it gave out a mighty roar and lifted itself just by its arms, turning to face his original attacker. As it raised its left arm to smack away the kid like a fly, Roxas exclaimed something, and suddenly, the whole place lit up with the brightness of the sun, blinding both the Darkside and me. It screamed in agony as it began burning from the intense light, a good chunk of its attacking arm and parts of its torso gone.

“Take this!” Roxas yelled, striking down the Darkside’s other arm.

“And this!” Roxas cut off its feelers.

“And this!” At that last remark, the kid stabbed it straight in the chest, twisting the Keyblade as he did so, causing the Darkside to collapse to the ground with a low, rumbling whimper. As Roxas watched over it, the remains began to rise into the air, where they started to dissipate and fade away.

Roxas did it; he released a Heartless.

“That… was… AWESOME!” I congratulated him at the top of my lungs.

“I really did it!” he yelled back.

“You sure did, buddy. Let’s report back to Saïx. I can’t wait to see the look on his face!” I had this huge, stupid grin on my face that made Roxas laugh so hard that I had to catch him. He looked so content in my arms, and he had every right to be.

* * *

“Oh, Saïx!” I called out in a singsong voice. “Guess what Roxas just did?!”

“He succeeded in his mission? I should expect no less from the Key of Destiny.”

“You talk as though killing Darksides is the easiest thing in the world,” I said, more than a little miffed at his lack of surprise.

“It is,” Saïx said.

“Not if you’re a new recruit to the Organization.”

“Not anymore. You only say that because you were weak once.”

“I am not!” I yelped.

“Still the hothead you always were,” Saïx said icily. “Anyway, I suppose I owe you a reward, Roxas. Here: 250 munny.”

“250?! That’s more than I got when I killed my first Darkside!”

“It took you seven times before you managed finally to take it down.”

“Oh, don’t tell me it took you just one try, same as Roxas, because we both know that’s just bull—”

“You are dismissed, Axel. Now, go. Run along and eat that — what’s it called again?”

“Sea-salt ice cream,” I answered flatly with a bored look on my face.

“Yeah, I don’t care. Just be back at a reasonable time.”

“Certainly,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Come on, Roxas, let’s go get some ice cream.

“Okay,” he replied cheerfully.

* * *

“I’m still amazed at how you managed to beat that Darkside on your first try,” I said.

“Yeah. Honestly, I’m surprised, too,” Roxas said sheepishly, hand behind his head.

“Say, what happened just before you took it down?” I asked.

“What? Oh, that. I called out, ‘Light,’ and then I shot light at it. That managed to blind it.”

“And burn it,” I added. “So, that’s your attribute, huh?”

“I suppose so,” he shrugged. “What’s the deal with attributes anyway?”

“They’re an aspect of our personalities, I suppose. I’m excitable and spontaneous — and unpredictable, just like fire. You never know if I’m the flame at the top end of a candle or a whole forest fire blazing for miles in every direction. But I can’t say what light as an attribute means for you, though.” I bit into my ice cream bar as I began mulling it over. _Light was a strange attribute to have, especially for a member of a group of black coat-wearing Heartless killers._

“Yeah, me neither,” Roxas interrupted my train of thought. “Well, I have other questions.”

“Such as?”

“I want to learn more about music,” he said.

“As much as I like listening to music, I couldn’t explain it to you nearly as well as Demyx could.”

“Who’s Demyx?” _Has he still not met the rest of us? Or are they not talking to him?_

“He’s the guy with the sitar for a weapon,” I said, outlining an elongated, pear-shaped figure in the air to jog his memory. “He has long, spiky hair, kind of like yours, but longer toward the back.”

“Ah, I see. But you explained it so well to me. I’ve been listening to a lot more of it lately.”

“You have, have you?”

“Yeah. This town is full of music. One time, I heard a guy play this long, thin tube with holes at the top while the lady next to him plucked at this big stringed… thing that she placed between her legs.” _A flute and a harp_ , I figured.

“And how did it go?”

“What? Oh, you mean the pattern, right?”

“Yeah.”

To my surprise, Roxas began [whistling](https://youtu.be/Hs4i_D89iUE)* — quite tunefully too.

It was a melancholy tune. The flute led, and the harp followed (Roxas motioned with his hands to signify the harp section as he whistled). Something about it had an air of… longing to it.

“That sounds… beautiful. You should take me to hear the two play one day.”

“We could go right now!” he said excitedly.

I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Why not?”

Roxas oddly took me by the hand as he led us to a little place called “Le Grand Bistrot,” a restaurant a little ways away from the Clock Tower. To his disappointment and my confusion, the pair of players he spoke about was nowhere to be seen or heard.

“Aw, man! They already left,” Roxas pouted, which, I’ve got to admit, looked cute on him, which made me blush. _Cute? Where did that come from? Ugh, at this rate, I will have no choice but to ask Zexion to study me (and haven’t I called him “cute” before, too? And Marluxia, a “pretty boy”?)._

“Oh, well, better luck next time, huh, kiddo?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Roxas said, not entirely convinced by my reassurance.

“Don’t look so glum,” I chided him. “They probably play here every day. This town is pretty predictable, which is why I like coming here so much.”

“Yeah, we can hear them tomorrow.”

“How about I show you some of the things I listen to when we return to the Castle?”

“Sure!” Roxas always beamed when he said that, which never ceased to make me smile.

If Roxas’s attribute was light, then he was undoubtedly a bright spot in my day. Cheesy, I know, but honestly, where has such a person been in my life? I don’t think Lea and Isa ever had it this… good.

Lea and Isa never had it this good… But enough about them. They’re asleep now. Forever. All of our Somebodies are, including Roxas’s. Roxas’s Somebody… I wonder who that could be?

“Axel?” Roxas looked up at me inquisitively.

“It’s nothing,” I told him. “Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * The tune Roxas managed to whistle for Axel is the Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days version of "Dearly Beloved."


	3. Day 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel and Roxas head to Agrabah in search of a rare book that Zexion needs for his research. Along the way, they meet an unusual young man and his little friend. After they complete their mission, Axel starts "feeling" something again and resolves to learn more about what these sensations could mean tomorrow.

We talked all through the night last night. I introduced Roxas to the symphony — “a long song played by lots of people together to create a kind of music far bigger than anything you’ve ever heard in the streets of Twilight Town,” I explained to him. I also taught Roxas a bit about the guy who wrote my favorite symphony — he had a long, difficult-to-pronounce name, so I called him “Shosty”* because it was easier to memorize — and how he wrote it for the people of his world.

“The Leningraders were being attacked by a huge group of people called an ‘army,’ who came from another world called ‘Germany,’” I narrated to Roxas. “Shosty wanted to write a symphony to give other worlds an idea of what his people were going through and cheer the Leningraders up. That’s why he called it the ‘Leningrad’ Symphony.”

“You mentioned how symphonies are long. How long was this one?” Roxas asked.

“About an hour and twenty minutes,” I recalled.

“Wow! That’s almost as long as our mission took.”

“Most of that time was spent walking, really. When you get good at these, you’ll have a lot of free time on your hands.”

“Yeah. Hey, I wanna listen to it.”

“You sure, buddy? It takes a bit of patience to listen to something that long. I should know — I’m the impatient type.”

But Roxas insisted, and I took my music player and headphones and handed them to the kid.

I knew the whole thing from memory and could hear the music playing in my own head as clearly as it would be if I were right there with the audience.

[ _DUN, dun, DUN, dun-DUN! Dun, dun-DUN (BA-baba-BA), dun-DUN-dun-DUN-dun, DUN, dun-DUN…_](https://open.spotify.com/track/3G7ArjcTxjOB5KBYr3dCz2?si=Xq3YHlsiSKqb9aQzfRlZQQ)**

Man, what an intro! But the best part was the theme — so repetitive yet so catchy!

Roxas had almost reached the most intense part, just before the brasses would play at full blast, when he began shaking his head to the beat at first, then more erratically. He took off the headphones.

“WOW! That was intense!” he exclaimed. “How do you stand to listen to something that… violent?”

“Well, it reminds me of the full range of my powers over fire, and I can never get enough of that,” I smirked.

“Then, I guess you’re an intense guy,” Roxas said.

“Only when I need to be,” I corrected him. “You’ve seen how I act most of the time around you. Hardly ‘intense,’ right?”

“Huh. I’m not sure how you can be both intense and laidback, though. The two don’t go together.”

“Think of it this way: People rarely wear the same face. Sometimes, they smile; other times, they frown, and still other times, you can’t tell what you’re looking at. I’ve seen you do it all the time.”

“I do?”

“Of course, buddy! Haven’t you ever looked yourself in the mirror?”

“I don’t think so…”

“Really? You have a bathroom in your quarters — we all do. Check it out sometime.”

“Okay, maybe I have, now that I think about it. But I’ve never thought much of it.”

“Well, now you’re just pulling my leg!” I laughed.

“Am not!” he retorted.

“I didn’t mean it literally! To ‘pull someone’s leg’ means to trick or tease someone playfully.”

“How can you trick or tease someone ‘playfully’? Aren’t tricking and teasing not nice things to do to people?”

“Well, they can be, but they don’t have to be. Anyway, I think we’ve both been staying up way past our bedtimes, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yeah, but I’m excited for tomorrow.”

“Me too, buddy. Good night, Roxas.”

“Good night, Axel.”

* * *

Like yesterday, I woke up by the force of my will out of eagerness to see Roxas again — _I could get used to this_ , I thought. I came into his room to see him all dressed up and ready to go. _How does this kid do it?_ I asked myself. Saïx had to wake me up for years because no one else would, but at least, now, I had someone to look forward to every time I awoke. That was much better than to continually hear —

“Axel! Roxas!” _Saïx._ “Report to the Grey Area immediately. I will provide instructions for your mission there.” Roxas and I complied and went through a Corridor of Darkness to the mission briefing room.

The Grey Area was just as its name suggested: It was one of the few rooms in the Castle That Never Was that was painted a color other than white, though grey was not that much more interesting if you ask me. Black was more interesting, and everyone here _wore_ black!

“Everyone,” Saïx began (he did mean “everyone” — every member was standing at attention), “we are gathered here for a major reconnaissance mission that will involve the collective effort of the Organization. Xemnas and I will stay back to monitor your activities, while Vexen and Zexion will explain the finer points of what you will need to find. Each of you will split off in pairs to travel to one of the worlds near our own. Your assignments have already been determined in advance, and they’re non-negotiable!” He made it a point to bark that last word loud and clear. “Zexion, Vexen, take it away.”

Saïx disappeared through a Corridor as the Organization’s chief researchers told us that we needed to locate and “procure” — a fancy way of saying “take by any means necessary” — “raw materials” for an important project they were working on. Vexen said he needed computer access codes, high-grade preservatives, and in typical morbid fashion, bodies. Zexion, being the more bookish of the two, required rare books over obscure topics, ancient magical staves, and a few unusual ingredients for a specialized potion. Neither of them explained just why they needed these odds and ends, but it wasn’t our place to question them — they were the chief researchers, after all: It was their job to know more than the rest of us. So, none of us asked them questions — none except insatiably curious Roxas.

“Excuse me?” he called out, raising his hand like a schoolkid.

“What is it, Key of Destiny?” Zexion asked, eyeing him uncertainly.

“Roxas,” the kid “corrected,” not aware that “Key of Destiny” was his title. “Why do we need these things? I don’t know what most of them are or even look like.”

To be fair to Roxas, he had a point.

“Because those are your orders, and you have to fulfill them,” Vexen jumped in. “I know you are still very… fresh and all, but you will have to learn to accept a mission without asking unnecessary questions.” He looked so smug that I wanted to punch him in the face.

“Uh, that didn’t —”

“… answer the question,” I finished through gritted teeth, sounding like I was giving an order, which majorly pissed off Vexen.

“Just you talk, Flurry of Dancing Flames! I’ll have you know that I will not be ordered around by a smarmy, mid-ranking —”

“Gentlemen!” Zexion interrupted. Thank goodness he restored the peace because I would’ve chewed Vexen out like the smug fucking know-it-all that he was.

“Roxas,” Zexion continued, “I am not sure how to say this, but the ‘why’ of our mission has already been addressed. Saïx said that Vexen and I are engaging in an important research project that will require these raw materials for us to conduct our research efficaciously. As chief researchers, we are privy to information the rest of the Organization is not, and —”

“In simpler language, please,” I requested. “I know you like your big words and all, Zexion, but if even I can’t follow, you can’t expect Roxas over here to understand you either.”

Zexion seemed a bit flustered. Come to think of it, he always did whenever I interrupted him, but I never understood why. No matter: After some awkward silence, Zexion pointed to the air like he realized something.

“In simpler terms: The chief researchers do not have to tell you everything, Roxas. We know things that no one, not even Xemnas, knows because we need our research to be as free from mistakes as possible. Bad research leads to bad policy at the Organization, which means we are less able to fight against the Heartless because we don’t know something about them that we should.” Zexion looked to me, as if for help, and I leaned over to Roxas, whispering, “Got it memorized?”

“Oh? Yeah,” he replied solemnly. Roxas may not have known much, but he was an eager and fast learner; frankly, he asked good questions whose answers the rest of us kinda took for granted.

“Good,” Zexion smiled. “Now, onto the subject at hand: Where you will go.”

Roxas and I were to head to Agrabah in search of Zexion’s rare books. Before we left for that world, Zexion came over to thank me for not exploding against Vexen and knelt down to Roxas to clarify just what it was we were looking for. We needed to sneak into the vizier’s quarters and locate a thick, leather-bound tome that looked like it could fall apart. He added that it should stand out from the rest of the books in his room because it smelled of darkness. Zexion even told us why it caught his eye: He believed its writing contained valuable insights into the nature of the Heartless, which would be vital in the Organization’s effort to stuff them all inside Kingdom Hearts.

 _Saïx would never be this helpful_ , I thought. Then again, I didn’t remember Zexion showing this much care to explain the precise goals of a mission. It was… refreshing, really. I attributed that change to Roxas. He seemed to have an effect on him, same as me, if perhaps more subtle.

Roxas and I headed for Agrabah.

* * *

Agrabah was a bustling desert metropolis, its enormous palace dominating the skyline, looming over the maze-like streets below. The vizier’s quarters had to be in one of its many towers, but from where we were, the smell of darkness was way too faint to confidently conclude which one. So, Roxas and I began walking toward the crowded marketplace, trying as much as possible to blend in despite our black coats. I suggested he take off his hood, which he did. The more I looked at Roxas, the more I realized just how petite he was: His coat was oversized, its sleeves completely covering his hands, the back of it trailing behind him like a gown.

 _He’s going to need a better-fitting coat_ , I thought. _Perhaps, Zexion has some clothes that no longer fit him._

We split up to look at the stalls and appear interested in the goods — all part of the act. Most of the merchants sold a hodgepodge of wares with no discernable theme to them: Food was next to trinkets, which hung over clothes — just a disorganized mess, really. They were all very eager to get anyone to buy from them, often resorting to shoving stuff at people’s faces and haggling almost immediately. I gave them a threatening look that told them, “Don’t bother,” to avoid having them waste their time on me. I looked around to pair up with Roxas again — and I couldn’t find him.

 _Damn it! Where could the kid possibly be?_ I thought.

“Roxas?” I called out. “Roxas!” I rushed across the narrow pathways, occasionally stopping to ask the shopkeepers if they saw “a short blonde kid, about yea tall,” indicating his height with my hand, but most shook their heads, suggesting I head to the town square.

_The town square? What could he possibly find there that’d interest him enough to leave me behind?_

As I came close, I was met by a great din of laughing, clapping, and music playing. From a distance, I could spot a belly dancer spinning round and round as the players behind her strummed their sitar-like instruments — _Demyx would love them_ , I smirked to myself — and beat their drums in an almost hypnotic crescendo. In front of the belly dancer, I could see the characteristic golden spikes adorning Roxas’s head.

 _Gotcha._ I wasn’t mad at him, but I did wonder why he left me behind to watch a belly dancer. Or was he really there for the music? It was pretty catchy, all things considered — I could even see Roxas hopping a little bit like he was tapping his foot to the beat. Suddenly, the atmosphere in the place changed as five Shadow Heartless — “swarmers,” as I called them — appeared, causing a panic in the square. Roxas turned around, looking just as surprised as everyone else, but he quickly took up his battle stance and summoned his Keyblade. The players were still strumming and drumming and clapping — the show must go on, as they say.

The Shadows lunged at Roxas all at once, but he slid to his right to dodge their attack, causing all the Heartless to crash into each other, which made me let out a brief chuckle. As though having heard me, the Shadows regrouped and rushed toward me, but they were no match for Axel, the Flurry of Dancing Flames. I snapped my fingers and instantly incinerated all five of them without a second breath. I thought it was all over, but then another group of five lunged against Roxas, who managed to strike down one of them before another knocked his Keyblade from his hand, and the rest piled on top of him.

“ROXAS!” I cried out and began rushing to help, but the kid was more resilient than I gave him credit, managing to throw all three of them off before he took back his Keyblade and released another one. The remaining Shadows looked at him in terror and began to flee, but Roxas exclaimed, “Light!” and in a blinding flash, he vaporized three Heartless at once.

The square was silent, but not empty. The crowd stared at us in stunned amazement. Then, the drummer cried out something unintelligible, and everyone around us cheered, some of them grabbing Roxas to lift him up in thanks. Roxas looked at me with a nervous smile and a shrug, and I gave him a reassuring one in return.

 _This mission is anything but boring so far_ , I surmised.

* * *

After the celebrations ended, we quickly ran off to an isolated alley so that we could summon a Corridor of Darkness away from prying eyes. Roxas had already attracted too much attention to ourselves, and I wasn’t in the mood for performing any more magic tricks for these people any more than we already did. Unfortunately, we had company: A young man wearing nothing but a purple vest and baggy pants with a fez-wearing monkey on his shoulder spotted us, jumped to his feet, and began climbing the walls.

“Wait!” Roxas called out with arm outstretched, but the man didn’t listen and kept climbing. He looked back, then jumped off. Roxas was visibly displeased.

“Come back!” Then he rushed after him and started clumsily climbing, but he wasn’t as skillful at that activity as the young man.

“Roxas, what are you doing?” I asked Roxas, giving him a face suggestive of a reproachful older brother.

“What do you think? I’m running after him!” Roxas answered.

“Yeah, I get that, but why?”

“I think he might help us with our mission,” he said, straining as he climbed, not making much progress.

“How? I doubt that he has ever been to the palace.”

“That’s where I think you’re wrong,” Roxas retorted confidently.

“Oh? What makes you so sure? Enlighten me.”

“It’s just a hunch.”

“Really? Well, that hunch of yours better not waste our time.”

“Maybe it won’t if you can help me up this wall.”

I told Roxas to get off and let me hold him like a baby. When he asked, “Why?” I hurled him high in the air, making him scream. I didn’t throw him far enough, so I caught him in my arms when he fell back down.

“WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!” Roxas yelled.

“I was trying to throw you over the wall so that you wouldn’t have to the climb it like an idiot, buddy. But as it appears, you’re a little heavier than I thought.”

“Figures. Well, you should’ve warned me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. On the count of three, then I’ll hurl you again, all right?” I smiled.

“It better work this time,” Roxas grumbled.

“Oh, I’m sure of it. Ready? One… two… THREE!” I three him just high enough to where he needed to twist his body and land like a cat on the top of the wall, which he did.

“So, can you see him?” I asked.

“Yeah, he’s already clambering over another wall.

“Well, it looks like we’ll need to trap him. You keep chasing after him; I’ll use a different route.”

“But what if I need to go over another wall again?”

“Haven’t you considered just summoning a Corridor of Darkness to go through it?” _Why didn’t I think of that earlier?!_

“Oh. Well, I thought the Corridors were for long distances only. Between worlds, you know?”

“Any distance that requires something other than walking works. Including going through walls.”

“Okay, then I’ll do that. You go your own way.”

As he continued, I hopped from a side wall, then shifted direction, jumping on top of a roof. I mostly paralleled Roxas’s movements before I ran ahead of him to corner the young man.

I was atop a particularly high alley wall that I was sure he couldn’t climb over this time. Besides, with Roxas hot on his heels, the young man was sure to be exhausted by the time they both reached me. When they did, I couldn’t resist the temptation to be dramatic.

“Nowhere left to run, pal,” I said, standing proud and tall.

“Who are you people?” the young man panted. “Are you one of the vizier’s goons?”

“Oh, no, pal. We’re here to pay him a visit, and you’re here to help us. If you do, we just might let you go.” I grinned at the man, which made him gulp. Roxas stepped up, patting his shoulder, which startled him a bit.

“We’re not here to hurt you.” The young man turned to him and looked at Roxas strangely like he recognized the kid.

“S-Sora? Is, is that you? You look different from the last time we met. And why are you wearing all black?”

“Sora? Who’s Sora? I’m Roxas.” _Who_ is _Sora, indeed…_

“The name’s Axel!” I interjected. “Got it memorized?”

“What do you two weirdoes want, especially from that crusty old vizier?” His monkey friend squawked in agreement.

“Ah-ah, that’s top secret. We can’t tell you, but what we want to know is which one of the palace’s towers houses his room. We figure he has something of immense power there that we could use.”

“Why should I help you?” the young man asked defiantly. “How do I know you’re not with him and that this is all just some elaborate ruse to stuff me inside one of his dungeons again?” He was getting on my nerves with all these irrelevant questions.

“Because,” I began slowly, jumping to his level, “if you don’t help us, I’ll turn you and your little monkey friend to ashes, and I don’t think the vizier will be interested in you after that, wouldn’t you agree?” A bit too far, but I really wanted to get this mission over and done with as soon as possible. The easy part was getting Zexion’s darkness-smelling book and returning to the Castle. Also, the heat was making me hungry for ice cream.

“Okay, okay. I-I think it’s the north tower, the second tallest one after the big dome in the center. But I’m not sure, and —”

“Are you _sure_ you’re not sure?” I asked as I grabbed him by his vest. “Because if you are, and you lead us somewhere full of guards to save your own skin, you and your little pal won’t be the only ones who burn.”

“Axel,” Roxas spoke up, glaring at me gently. I let the young man go. “Look, we aren’t actually gonna hurt you or anyone else. We need to know where the vizier’s room because the thing he’s holding might help us fight against the Heartless. You’ve heard of them, right?”

“Of course! You — I mean, Sora — we fought off a good deal of them some time ago, and they were gone for a while, but then they came back. Like I said, I’m not 100% sure, but I think it makes sense: Where else would the second most powerful person in Agrabah live, besides the second-tallest tower, right? Just please don’t burn me.”

“Promise,” Roxas nodded his head. He looked at me sternly.

“Oh! Yeah, yeah, I promise,” I seconded halfheartedly. “It was all an act anyway.”

“Right…” the young man said, not at all convinced. “Well, good luck finding whatever it is you’re looking for, I guess.”

“Thanks!” Roxas said, adding, “Before we head out, what’s your name?”

“Aladdin,” the young man answered quickly, extending his hand out. Roxas looked at him a bit confused before he grabbed it, which Aladdin then shook. The monkey still gazed at us suspiciously before he extended his own little paw, which made Roxas giggle at the silliness of the occasion before he accepted it.

“Eh, I think I’ll pass,” I told him, grabbing Roxas to return to my side. We waved him good-bye, then summoned a Corridor of Darkness.

* * *

The mission was a resounding success: We returned to the Castle with a hefty block of leather and parchment that smelled intensely of darkness — and old man. Yuck! But Zexion got what he wanted, which was all that mattered anyway. Roxas and I had peeked into it before we left; it was written in some old-looking, barely legible script in an equally impenetrable language, but I’m sure Zexion could figure it out with that big brain of his.

When Roxas and I went to Twilight Town to eat ice cream, he asked me about Sora and why that Aladdin guy called him that.

“Don’t know, buddy. Never met him. Hadn’t even heard of him.” Well, that wasn’t exactly true: I’ve indeed never met Sora or even seen him, but I did remember Xemnas mentioning a “hero of the Keyblade” and “Sora” in the same breath, but I couldn’t recall what for. It was a long time ago, and I wasn’t paying much attention at the time. I just wanted to burn stuff.

We moved onto other subjects, such as what friends are (Roxas overheard someone mention the word, hence why he asked).

“Friends eat ice cream together and talk about stupid stuff,” I told him.

“So, we’re friends?” he asked.

“Of course, buddy! Why else would I call you ‘buddy’ or ‘kiddo’? It’s because I like you and want us to spend time together.”

That made Roxas beam, and it made me… “feel” something again — _Nobodies can’t feel anything, right?_ — but I couldn’t honestly deny this… warm sensation in me was absolutely real. I was honest with him — and myself. I’d gotten so used to lying through my teeth to get my way that this honesty was a bit much. But there it was, as real as the sun shining on Roxas’s soft face, giving him a golden glow. His hair, despite its spikiness, seemed so fluffy that I reached out and petted it, which made Roxas flinch and laugh. I took that as an encouraging sign to start ruffling it. By the end, his wear was a bit of a mess, but it was _my_ mess, so he didn’t mind. Roxas rested his head on my shoulder as we watched the sunset over Twilight Town.

“Hey, Roxas,” I said.

“Yeah? What?” he asked sleepily.

“Do you know why the sun shines red when it sets?”

“No, why?”

“You see, light is split into many different colors, and of them all, red travels the farthest.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”  
“Sounds like you just made that up,” Roxas teased.

“Am not!” I giggled. “It’s a proven scientific fact! I’ll even show you in one of the books we have in the Library.”

“Eh, I think I’ll pass,” he shrugged, echoing an earlier line I made.

“I think you just want to go to sleep,” I said, to which Roxas nodded, rubbing his head on my shoulder.

We returned to the Castle. As I lay in my bed, another “feeling” came over me — “contentment”? It was warm and fuzzy like the other one, but different somehow. _I should see Zexion_ , I thought. Zexion would know, and he’s easier to talk to than Vexen, anyway. Yeah, I’ll talk to the cute little nerd tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * "Shosty" is a nickname some Westerners give to Dmitri Shostakovich, whose last name can be a little hard to pronounce.  
> ** Symphony No. 7 in C Major, Op. 60 "Leningrad": I. Allegretto by Dmitri Shostakovich


	4. Day 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel talks to Zexion about the peculiar nature of Roxas and how it has affected him. Zexion's research has so far yielded a title for the unusual book the two procured for the Cloaked Schemer: "On the True Nature of the Creatures Without Hearts." Later, when Axel discovers that Roxas is not in his room, he confronts Saïx, who has already begun undermining his responsibilities over Roxas. What new developments are occurring at the Organization that would lead the second-in-command to act in this way?

What are Nobodies?

Put simply, Nobodies are not humans because they lost their humanity when their hearts were consumed by darkness, manifesting as the shadowy creatures known as the Heartless. The empty shells they left behind are the Nobodies. Both the Heartless and the Nobodies are not supposed to exist, but when has that ever stopped them?

Most Nobodies are no different from the Heartless: They don’t think, look alien and otherworldly, and can be manipulated by much smarter and stronger beings. But a few Nobodies are special because when they were born, they took on the appearance of their Somebodies — their original selves — and can replicate nearly all tasks identically to humans — everything except feeling emotions. Emotions come naturally to people who have hearts; we cannot feel, only imitate true feelings. But given enough time, we Nobodies of the Organization have come to replicate feelings so well that you’d be forgiven for mistaking us for real people, if ones with a certain cruel streak that unites us.

Ultimately, we’re not “real”: as long as we don’t have hearts, we will always be incomplete, wannabe humans, pretending to laugh, cry, fear, hate, love…

At least, that’s what Xemnas told us all those years ago when we first awoke after we intentionally succumbed to the darkness in our hearts. To ensure that we could never return to our original selves, we all killed our Heartless. That meant if anyone were to kill us, we would not merely die, but our entire existence would be erased from the world.

The goal was to complete the new versions of ourselves with the release of untold numbers of Heartless into Kingdom Hearts. Their power would be split among the thirteen members of the Organization and form into new hearts, all while retaining the powers we gained from when we were Nobodies. A crazy, complicated plan, I know, but you can’t deny how tempting it sounds to be told you could become an infinitely better and more powerful version of yourself if just follow these easy steps. Lea would never have joined the Organization had Isa not convinced him of the possibilities…

But that was a long time ago — Lea became Axel, and Isa became Saïx, and in the intervening period, I’d grown to treat my own existence with a certain level of disdain. I was just someone else’s underling doing all the “icky” jobs no one else wanted. If I was only pretending to feel, I must’ve been doing a damn good job of it, “pretending” to hate myself, to hate Saïx for what he had become, to separate myself from the rest of the Organization.

 _But then you came along._ Roxas. What a beautiful name, come to think of it.

Roxas is different. He may have only been with us a little under four days, but he has already made tremendous strides, his progress managing to please Xemnas (no easy feat). But Roxas is not like us in other ways. If it took us years to perfect the art of pretending to feel or to be sincere, he struck that note nearly effortlessly when he reassured Aladdin that we never really intended to do him or his people any harm. How did he do it? I needed to know.

I promised myself last night that I’d talk to Zexion about all this. The first thing I did upon waking was head to the Library, which I knew to be Zexion’s usual haunt. Perhaps, that book Roxas and I procured for him might help him in answering my burning questions, assuming he made any progress on it (Zexion was a meticulous worker, which also meant he was a very slow one too).

* * *

The Library was a rather small affair, all things considered, but that just meant it looked busier than it was in reality. There always seemed to be several half-open books and notes scattered about, all pored over by Zexion. His ability to focus on so many things at once was incomparable: Zexion may not have been the best fighter among us, but without his research, the rest of us wouldn’t know nearly as much about the creatures we had to kill for Xemnas as we do now. He was also one of the few members I could tolerate to be around, perhaps because he, like me, had no interest in ranks. Zexion was Rank VI, but his position as chief researcher meant he was more important than his rank suggested. Unlike Vexen, whose research was decidedly “practical” and “applicable,” Zexion’s interests were more grounded in theory, which sometimes meant uncovering facts about the world that weren’t always immediately relevant to the Organization’s goals. That was much to the annoyance of Saïx, who regularly complained of his forays into “useless knowledge,” a term the Cloaked Schemer quickly reclaimed with pride.

“So, what brings the Flurry of Dancing Flames to this humble temple of knowledge?” Zexion asked without making contact. “I cannot remember the last time you paid this modest chamber a visit.”

“Me neither, but I suppose I have questions,” I answered. “Questions that need answering.” Zexion’s ears perked up.

“About what?” Zexion asked.

“Roxas,” I said. “And me as well.”

“Oh? I fear I have not interacted with the boy all that much since yesterday, as he is nearly always by your side. But what about him do you want to know that you trust only me to be able to answer?”

“Are you aware of the fact that Roxas can wield light?” That made Zexion look up at me for the first time since I started talking to him.

“That is… an unusual attribute for a Nobody. I suspect that must have something to do with his ability to summon the Keyblade. It rather abhors darkness.”

“Yeah, but what are fire and lightning then? Aren’t they kinds of light too?”

“Well, yes, but light, pure light, is different from the aforementioned attributes. They are temporary instantiations of light; pure light is a permanent fixture of the world. It is what untainted hearts are made of.”

“I suppose the fact is made stranger because Roxas calls upon the light in much the same way we do.”

“Fascinating. What else intrigues you about Roxas?” Zexion looked at me intently, as though he were reading me like a book, trying to figure out its message.

“I’m not sure how to describe it,” I began, “but the way he ‘feels’ is so… natural to me. I’m not sure if he’s just acting like the rest of us or if he actually _can_ feel.”

“All the current evidence suggests Nobodies cannot —”

“I know that, but… what if it’s wrong? How can a three-day-old Nobody already know how to imitate human feelings when it took us ten years to master?!”

“That is… impossible. Unless…”

“Unless what?”

“Unless, once again, this comes back to the Keyblade.”

“Do you think so? What’s special about it, besides being able to release Heartless?”

“Well, it is unusual enough that a Nobody, of all creatures, would be able to wield one in the first place, would you not agree?”

“Yeah?”

“Furthermore, a Keyblade is associated with beings of heart. Therefore, would it not stand to reason that Roxas is somehow absorbing this emotional capacity from his proximity to the Keyblade?” That suddenly gave me an unusual thought.

“If that’s the case, then you’ve led me right into my next question: If proximity to the Keyblade is allowing Roxas to ‘feel,’ does that also explain my own recent… ‘feelings’?” Zexion narrowed his eyes at me like I admitted to something concerning.

“Just what are you suggesting?”

“I mean, ever since I met the kid, I’ve been… having these weird thoughts… lately.” At that moment, I realized not only that I echoed Roxas’s words exactly, but what he meant by them.

“Axel!” Zexion called out.

“Huh?”

“You appeared… ‘spaced out,’ for lack of a better term.”

“Yeah, I suppose I did. But I mean what I said.”

“Whatever these ‘weird thoughts’ are, I will be sure to investigate them at a later date, but right now, I need to get back to deciphering the old tome you two procured for me. I have made some progress on it so far.”

“Have you now? Do tell.”

“It is written in an old language that no one speaks anymore, but the title alone is quite provocative: _De creaturam sine cordibus vera natura_.”

“Which means?”

“‘On the True Nature of the Creatures Without Hearts.’ Apparently, the author had no single word for ‘Heartless,’ but they nevertheless recognized their most distinct feature.” A shudder suddenly went down my spine — the idea that there were still things we didn’t know about the Heartless unnerved me.

“That’s a pretty… inviting title indeed. It makes me wanna learn more already.”

“Since when have you shown any interest in intellectual pursuits?” Zexion asked half-seriously, almost winking at me.

“I dunno — since Roxas came here?”

“It always goes back to that boy, hmm?”

“Yeah, it sure does.”

“How about I make an arrangement with you: I teach Roxas the more esoteric subjects at which I am an expert, and you continue with the more practical matters.” This was an interesting offer, but I had to ask what prompted that.

“Why?”

“Roxas strikes me as curious, and I appreciate that in a member of the Organization.”

“Okay, I guess. But just… be patient with him, you know?”

“No need to remind me. Now, I suppose that you have someone to whom to return. Am I mistaken?” Again, that half-serious tone.

“Oh, yeah, you’re right! I haven’t seen Roxas yet! Well, see you later.”

“And you too.”

* * *

How much do we really know about the Heartless? This strange book by its title alone suggested that all our current knowledge on these creatures may be faulty at best and totally wrong at worst, and I didn’t know what to make of that possibility. But Roxas needn’t worry about these sorts of things just yet. He had the more immediate task of releasing them, ignorant of their nature, regardless of whether it was true or not. I just hoped he wasn’t already off fighting them alone. Swarmers may be easy to kill individually, but even five nearly overwhelmed him in Agrabah, and we had to fight off ten of those things.

When I entered his room, he was nowhere to be found. The initial anxiety quickly turned to violent anger (or was it the mere replication of these feelings? Fuck! I hate being a Nobody). _Saïx._ He’d know — he’s the one assigning missions. I immediately set out for the Grey Area.

“Where is he?” I asked as soon as I arrived. Several Organization members — I could pick out Marluxia, Larxene, and Xigbar — turned to look at me, but I didn’t give a damn — my sights were set on Saïx, who barely acknowledged me, so I repeated myself.

“I said, ‘Where is Roxas?’ Saïx!”

“He’s off on a mission in Twilight Town. Apparently, there has been an infestation of Shadow Heartless, so Roxas will clear them.”

“How many are there?”

“Twenty-five of them.”

“Twenty-five?! Without me to at least keep an eye on the kid?”

“Relax, Axel!” Xigbar chimed in. “It’s not like he can’t handle himself against a bunch of swarmers, especially when his first Heartless was a Darkside.”

“It’s not about whether he can handle himself. I just want to be there for him.”

“Aw, are you worried about the poor, wittle baby Roxas, Axel?” Larxene mocked.

“I did _not_ need your input, Larxene!”

“No need to be so hot-tempered. I’m just telling it like it is,” she said with a sickening grin.

“Why are you showing so much… concern over this boy, Axel?” Marluxia asked.

“Because, Marluxia, Roxas isn’t just another Nobody like the rest of us!”

“I’m aware —”

“We get it, Axel,” Saïx said. “But you fail to appreciate the number of contingencies and failsafes Xemnas has in place in the event of any disappointment. Even if Roxas were to somehow fail us, Xemnas will always find another way.”

“Just what are you implying, Saïx?”

“He’s saying Roxas isn’t _that_ special, Axel,” Xigbar said.

“Bullshit!”

“Enough of this useless chatter,” Saïx said. “We wait for Roxas. That is our mission now.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Larxene and I groaned together. Huh, for once, we _agreed_ on something. I suppose miracles do exist.

“Unless anyone else here has somehow managed to hide the ability to summon a Keyblade for the last ten years, that is the only thing we can do these days.”

“So, we’re just going to have Roxas do all the heavy lifting from now on?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

“Yes,” Saïx answered through gritted teeth.

“Well, I’ll be heading to Twilight Town if anyone needs me.”

“Must you always follow Roxas around like a dog does its master? If anything, he should be the dog and we the masters, you especially.”

“You gave me the responsibility to watch over him, and I’m not about to have you take that away from me.”

“Fine, fine. Just don’t interfere in his mission.”

“I can’t guarantee that.” Saïx rolled his eyes at me in defeat.

“I just hope Roxas returns safely,” I muttered under my breath as I walked into a Corridor of Darkness.

* * *

When I arrived, half a dozen Shadow Heartless almost immediately jumped on me, which caught me by surprise. I always knew swarmers were aggressive, but they were never _this_ aggressive.

“Axel!” _Roxas._

“You okay there, buddy?” I asked as I struggled to get the damn things off me.

“I’d be me more worried about you. I’m coming for you!

Slice! Dash! Stab! A shimmy to the right and another stab. Then —

“Light!” and lo, there was light. Blinding. Burning. Beautiful and proud. The swarmers disintegrated, and a literal weight on my shoulders was lifted.

“Everything all right?” Roxas asked, kneeling before me. I stared into his eyes until I could almost see my reflection staring back at me. I hadn’t seen him since this morning, so I wanted to savor the moment.

“Axel?” he asked again, waving his hand in front of my face.

“Oh, just a scratch,” I said as I got up. “Nothing a little rest and relaxation couldn’t help fix.”

“Yeah, that’ll have to wait. I can smell more of ’em. Can you?” I inhaled deeply, nodding along. Then I remembered what Saïx told me.

“Wait, I can’t help you.”

“What? Why not?” Roxas asked, his face almost scowling in disappointment, a look I wanted quickly to erase from existence.

“Saïx’s orders,” I said with a shrug.

“Well, screw Saïx!” _Bold of you to say that._ “I’ve had to deal with way more Heartless than he said I would. I think I’ve already lost count how many I’ve released today.” Interesting — Saïx said there’d be twenty-five of them, which I thought would be on the cusp of too much for one rookie Organization member to deal with alone. How many did Roxas really release? That was enough justification for me to join him. Fuck Saïx and his orders.

“All right, I’ll join you. And I’ll take the fall for you too. You may have been the one who asked for help, but I won’t tell him that.” Roxas smiled his approval.

* * *

We cut through so many Heartless — way more than twenty-five. I was sure of it. The sun had very nearly set by the time we were done. I took care to avoid killing as few of them as possible so that Roxas could release more of the creatures. My fire abilities weren’t always so brutal; with enough practice, I learned how to merely stun Heartless instead of outright killing them with fire. That made Roxas’s job — and mine — a hell of a lot easier.

When all was said and done, I counted nearly fifty instances of release. Saïx better pay the kid at least double for his efforts, or I’d quit (not that he or I _could_ quit — once a member of the Organization, always a member of the Organization)!

“Wanna go get ice cream?” Roxas asked, still excited from all the adrenaline.

“What, at this hour?” I asked with a cocked brow.

“Well, you said that this is our thing and that we should do it every day after missions. We’re not going to start changing that, are we?” How could I say, “No,” to that cheeky grin of his Roxas was giving me?

“No, of course not! I was just messing with you!”

“You mean, ‘pulling my leg’?”

“Same difference! Come on, before they close shop!”

We ran together to the center of town, where we thankfully found the stall was still open and attracting some customers. Once we got our ice creams, Roxas and I went to our usual spot on the Clock Tower.

“So, how was your day, Axel?” Roxas asked.

“Not as boring without you as I thought,” I began, “but I’m glad to have spent the last hour of your mission with you.”

“Thank you. What did you do?”

“I talked to Zexion — you know, the guy with the long hair covering his right eye all the time? — about that book we procured for him yesterday. He has only just begun reading it, but its title alone is pretty interesting.”

“What is it?” I struggled a bit to recall its foreign-sounding name, but I remembered the words “true nature” and “Heartless.”

“‘On the True Nature of the Heartless,’ I think. Or something to that effect. Doesn’t it make you want to know more?”

“I suppose,” Roxas shrugged.

“You don’t seem too excited about it.”

“Maybe because I’ll have to deal with more of them tomorrow.”

“What new gauntlet is Saïx making you run through this time?” I asked, giving an unamused expression to him.

“Saïx said I’ll have to go to a world called Traverse Town. ‘Rich in Heartless’ were his words.”

“Let me guess: You’ll have to do it all by yourself again?”

“Yeah.” Roxas frowned.

“I’ll come for you again, just like today. Got it memorized?” I smiled at him, which lifted that frown of his upside down.

“You’re the only one I like, Axel. Has anyone told you that?” That was sudden.

“N-no. Not at all, in fact.” I rubbed the back of my head nervously.

“Well, I do, so now, you know.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked quickly.

“Because I wanted you to know, and I think that’s something that friends do.”

“How the tables have turned already!” I chucked. “Now, _you’re_ the one teaching _me_ new things!”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Roxas giggled. _How natural this all seemed. Felt. How perfect. There was no way you could fake this. Only someone with a heart could —_

“Oh, speaking of teaching new things, Zexion wants to teach you things too!”

“Really?” Roxas was not sure how to take this, judging by his slightly raised left eyebrow.

“Yeah. We made a deal that I teach you more practical stuff while you can ask Zexion any questions you have about how the world works or what we are or other broader, more, uh… conceptual stuff.”

“Conceptual?” Roxas asked, head tilted.

“It means having to do with ideas or theories that don’t necessarily have some ‘use’ to them. Like, for example, when I told you why the sun shines red during sunset.”

“Because red travels the farthest of all the colors of light?”

“Yeah, exactly! Zexion wants to do that with you. He knows that you’re curious and wanna learn, so that’s why he asked. But I want your input.”

“Doesn’t Zexion talk a little funny?”

“Yeah, but don’t we all?”

“Not like Zexion does, though. He almost sounds like…” Roxas searched for the word, but I think I knew what he meant.

“Like a book”?

“Yeah, I think so. Have you ever read one to know?”

“Yeah, a little bit. Books are written in a certain… voice, and Zexion likes talking like them, I guess. But he can speak in simpler terms for you. Any excuse to share more knowledge with someone is a good one for him.”

“Sure, I’ll go to him. But only after we get ice cream.”

“But you’ll be so tired by the time we return to the Castle, won’t you?”

“Yeah, you’re right. But I gotta make room for Zexion somehow.”

“How about before you head out on a mission? Or, better yet, before Saïx assigns you one?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“You can thank me later,” I winked.

“Why not now?” Roxas smirked. He then reached out and hugged me, which initially startled me.

“Is this your way of thanking me?” I asked in a low, gentle voice.

“Yes.”

“You’re special, buddy.”

“So, I’ve been told.”

“It’s true,” I reiterated. Roxas grunted his approval.

For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to return to the Castle. I simply wanted to stay at the Clock Tower, stroking Roxas’s hair. If Roxas was a “dog,” as Saïx so crudely put it, then he was _my_ dog. But I’d gladly be _his_ dog too when no one else was looking. Ah, these “feelings” again. What else did the Keyblade have in store for me — no, for _us_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay! This project is much harder than I thought, but I hope to get back in the groove soon.


	5. Day 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel and Roxas go to Traverse Town, where they face some unusually aggressive Heartless. Later that day, Axel takes Roxas for a surprise.

_[Wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I…](https://youtu.be/S6xlBknrXHY)_ *

A young woman’s voice, but it might as well have been my own, or Roxas’s.

_I need more affection than you know._

But what do Nobodies know about affection?

_Snoitome eurt deen I._

_I need true emotions._

I’m drowning. Why am I drowning? I don’t want to drown.

I want to burn!

I want to burn everything.

I want to burn everyone.

Everyone, except Roxas.

I want to burn it all.

I —

“Axel!” I opened my eyes to see Roxas’s soft face leaning over me, a concerned look plastered all over it.

“Huh? Did I miss something? Did I oversleep?”

“No, not at all. But I saw you were tossing and turning, and I thought there was something wrong, so I called out your name a couple of times to wake you up.” How sweet of you.

“Eh, it was nothing,” I lied. I’ve had weird dreams before, but ever since Roxas joined the Organization, they’ve been happening more frequently. I’m not sure what to make of them.

“If you say so,” said Roxas, not quite believing me.

“You ready to head out to Traverse Town?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Well, I need to see Zexion first. You can go on without me.”

“But I’d rather be with you,” I groaned teasingly. “Fine. I’ll go see Saïx to convince him to have me join you on your mission this time.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Roxas smiled cheekily.

* * *

I arrived at the Grey Area to a rather tired-looking Saïx.

“What’s the matter with you? You look like you’ve stayed up all night.”

“I have,” answered Saïx groggily. “I was discussing an important matter with Xemnas, the details of which I’m not at liberty to divulge. Anyway —”

“Could you at least give me a little hint?” I teased.

“It’s about Roxas,” Saïx sighed. “Xemnas will need to see him tomorrow, as this is something he will only discuss with him and no one else. That’s why I spent so much time talking to him last night — I wanted to gain a better insight on the boy myself, but the Superior wouldn’t budge. Now, what do you want?” I was about to answer when he put his hand up to interrupt me. “Wait, don’t tell me. You want to accompany Roxas on his mission, like you did last time, even though I told you not to?”

“How did you — ?”

“Don’t ask. Xemnas has eyes and ears everywhere, so nothing truly escapes him and, therefore, me.”

“Creepy.”

“You can say that again. But to answer your question: Fine, suit yourself.”

“Really?” I asked, more than a little baffled by Saïx’s sudden generosity.

“Don’t make me change my mind. I know the two of you have grown… close, and I reasoned that having Roxas do all the heavy lifting alone is not nearly as efficient as having him do all that with you around. So, consider this my… treat.”

For once, I didn’t hate Saïx. Just for once. I’d still hate him every other day, but today was a rare exception, and I intended to keep it that way. The last thing Roxas needed was me on a bad day.

* * *

Traverse Town was a world trapped in perpetual dusk, never quite properly night but so tantalizingly close to it. Rumor had it that a boy named Sora (the same Sora that Aladdin kid mistook Roxas for, perhaps?) wiped out the Heartless in this world, but after he vanished an unknown time ago, they came back with a vengeance. So, Roxas and I wasted no time acting discreet; we came in guns blazing — or Keyblade and chakrams blazing, to be more accurate.

On damn near every street corner, we saw packs of the typical Shadow swarmers but also their tougher armored cousins, the Emblem Heartless. From what I caught off the corner of my eye, Roxas wore an unusually intense expression — focused, clear, unambiguous in its intent: He was here to kill. I never thought I’d see it on the same kid that I’d grown so close to, but there it was. It was almost jarring, but at the end of the day, Roxas was still one of us. He quickly wiped the floor with a bunch of Shadows, his footing much more secure than when we started. How rapidly Roxas had grown in just three days. It would’ve brought a tear to my eye — that is, _if_ I could still cry. I lost that ability years ago. But enough about me — nearly a dozen Heartless charged at us.

Fifteen minutes turned to an hour, and an hour became five, but there were still more of them coming our way. Roxas and I had managed to cut down nearly a hundred of the swarmers already from the last time I counted. I was getting pretty annoyed with how aggressive these creatures had become lately, and I figured to ask Roxas as much as we continued slaying one after another.

“Hey, Roxas!” I shouted over the din?”

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Have you noticed something… off about the swarmers lately?”

“Like how they seem to just attack us on sight?”

“That, and the damn things seem really eager about it too.”

“I’ve noticed,” Roxas confirmed as he cut down another one.

“Do you suppose it has something to do with that Keyblade of yours?”

“Zexion told me that the Heartless _fear_ the Keyblade because it’s an ‘instrument of light,’ as he put it.”

“They don’t seem very afraid to me,” I smirked, burning a couple of Emblems with a snap of my fingers.

“You can say that again!” Roxas agreed.

Every day, I’m amazed at how we Nobodies are nearly as inexhaustible as the Heartless we’ve slain for ten years. I don’t think the Heartless will ever become an endangered species no matter how aggressively we hunt them down. Sometimes, I think it’s easier to imagine the inevitable heat death of the universe than the extinction of the Heartless — that’s how much of a constant they’ve been in our lives.

Our sixth hour in this miserable place was close at hand, but thankfully, the swarmers’ numbers had dwindled enough to where I thought burning through what remained — for now — wouldn’t do too much harm to Roxas’s mission (he already released more than the allotted 100 — Saïx sure loved to raise the stakes!). Besides, I had grown kind of bored and wanted ice cream. I also thought of a surprise during our time spent in this dismal world, and I imagined it’d brighten both of our days.

“Let’s burn the last of ’em, shall we?” I grinned.

“Be my guest,” Roxas winked. He called out, “Light!” and I snapped my fingers, incinerating nearly two dozen Heartless in an instant, but not before Roxas struck at least half of them with his Keyblade. Damn, he was good!

Roxas made me feel something altogether new about this whole Kingdom Hearts project: hope. I felt hopeful that it was really going to succeed with our resident Keyblade wielder.

* * *

The idea for the surprise came to me pretty suddenly: I remembered that Roxas wanted us to go see a pair of musicians — a flutist and harpist — play this pretty little tune that he whistled to me a while ago. I decided that instead of our usual spot, we were going to listen to the players while we ate ice cream — a slight change of scenery, but nothing too dramatic.

Roxas and I went through the usual motions up until we got our ice cream, at which point I gently grabbed his free hand and pulled him along with me.

“Hey, where are you taking us? The Clock Tower’s that way,” Roxas protested, motioning with his ice cream bar.

“I have a surprise for you. I think you might like it,” I reassured him. That managed to reduce his resistance.

When I could hear the familiar tune faintly playing in the distance, I knew we were getting close.

I was as surprised as Roxas was when we arrived: In addition to the flutist and harpist, there was also a cellist and pianist, each supplying their own melody, contributing to a fuller-sounding song. The cello almost whined against the flute, while the piano backed the harp, which plucked away loud and clear.

“Wow,” Roxas sighed breathlessly. “I almost forgot about this.”

“I’m sure you’ll have that memorized for a very long time now that you get to experience it for yourself,” I said.

“Yeah, you’ve got that right. Thank you. So much,” he said, looking down. That made me raise an eyebrow.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing. It’s just that I almost don’t know how to fell about this.” _In a way, you can’t._

“I guess that’s what people call ‘joy.’ When you’re so happy that words escape you.”

“I ought to fell that more often.”

“What’s the usual feeling?” I asked, curious.

“Um, numbness, I guess. Oh, and boredom.”

“Ha, I often felt that way before you arrived.”

“Heh, am I really so interesting to you?”

“Of course! And I’m not the only one either. Zexion seems to have taken an interest in you as well. And I bet if you went a little out of your comfort zone and talked to, say, Demyx, he might turn out to be interested in you too.”

“That’s a lot of people interested in me.”

“It’s only three people, Roxas. You still have nine more to consider, you know.”

“True.”

“Anyway, I won’t be able to see you tomorrow,” I said that perhaps a little too flippantly, which Roxas quickly noticed.

“You won’t? Why not?” he asked, visibly worried.

“Uh, because Xemnas needs to see you. Can’t tell you why because I don’t know why. He just does. When Xemnas needs to see you, you see him, no questions asked. Got it memorized?”

“Am I in trouble? Did I not released enough Heartless?”

“Listen, Roxas, I just told you: I. Don’t. Know. Got it memorized? But if I were to venture a guess, it has nothing to do with being in trouble or displeasing our Superior, especially because you’ve been performing so well. You’re a natural, Roxas — better than some of us who’ve been at it for ten years. Don’t worry about it, buddy. Now, eat your ice cream — it’s melting!”

“Oh, yeah,” Roxas said.

We continued to listen to the quartet playing their song before we made our return to the Castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I couldn't resist! So enjoy a Hikaru Utada classic!


	6. Day 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel is off to Beast’s Castle to take care of a problem while Roxas is away with Xemnas for an undisclosed reason.

The question of how I was going to spend an entire day without Roxas answered itself: I was going to do some “icky jobs.” What are they? Any jobs that required more than a little effort mentally, physically, or both. They also sometimes required cunning, deceit, and a willingness to get one’s hands dirty.

I headed straight for the Grey Area. Saïx handed out a mission to Luxord (when was the last time he did anything? He’s almost as lazy as Demyx!) and Lexaeus before he took notice of me.

“What is it?” he asked, eyelids barely up.

“I need something to do. Give me a job, any job, but preferably a challenging one.”

Saïx narrowed his eyes at me like he couldn’t quite believe I’d be eager for anything. To be fair, he had a point: I was usually the last one assigned jobs because I’m picky and stubborn as a mule. Hence, why I often ended up with the icky jobs.

“All right, how about you take care of a little problem for me and clear a few packs of Neoshadow Heartless?”

“Neoshadows, eh? Where?”

“Beast’s Castle. Whatever you do, do not interact with the Beast. He doesn’t take kindly to visitors, even if they come to clean up his messes for him.”

“Got it memorized, boss,” I said, pointing to the side of my skull.

“Good. Now, get on with it.”

And so, I was off to Beast’s Castle.

* * *

How to explain Neoshadows: Imagine a bunch of swarmers, but they’re bigger, leaner, meaner, faster, stronger, and nastier than their far more numerous, smaller cousins. Taking one down is a chore, slaying several at a time is a slog, but an unspecified number of _packs_ of these things? I barely made it out alive the last time I confronted them, but I owe that to being less experienced at the time. Even so, I knew not to underestimate them — Neoshadows are in the same class of Heartless as Darksides.

* * *

Beast’s Castle is an imposing cliffside structure. Dark, brooding, menacing — if it weren’t already occupied by its namesake, it would’ve made a far more fitting choice of headquarters for an organization of black-clad Heartless killers than what we currently have. Oh, well. I guess Xemnas just likes sharp contrasts in his aesthetic. But enough about questionable design choices; I’m hunting Neoshadows.

Saïx didn’t make it altogether clear just where in Beast’s Castle to find the creatures, so that meant I possibly had to sneak into every room to find even one. But I had a hunch that I wouldn’t have to do that: Long ago, before the castle fell to darkness and its host turned into a beast, it housed a grand ballroom, easily the largest chamber in the entire building. Once brightly lit, it’s said that it’s now among the eeriest places to be. The combination of a large, spacious chamber with the oppressive eternal gloom would be enough to turn anyone into a Heartless. Luckily for me, that issue was solved a very long time ago. The only thing I had to do was be careful not to get swarmed by too many Neoshadows at once.

I opened a portal… and found myself not quite where I intended to be. Guess I wasn’t focusing hard enough because I ended up in a cramped, dusty old room full of odds and ends. A candlestick. A grandfather clock. Some chinaware. A feather duster. A broom. More than a few of them had strangely… human-like features, but I brushed that aside.

Once again, I summoned a portal. Again, not where I was supposed to be. This room was a bit more spacious: An unlit fireplace to my left; a long table in front of me. Suddenly, I wanted to do the old Beast a small favor, so I lit the fireplace with a snap of my finger. As the light revealed to me, this was the kitchen, judging by the number of rusty knives, pots, pans, and other kitchenware lying around here and there and a stove that looked like it had seen better days.

“Ok, Axel,” I spoke to myself aloud. “Concentrate. A nice, big, empty room. Flat floor. Multiple entrances and exits. A flight of stairs, perhaps.”

And so, I focused, picturing the ballroom in my mind’s eye as best as I could, before summoning a portal again. I really hoped that the third time was going to do the trick. The last thing I needed was to get torn to shreds by a creature possibly even more dangerous than a Heartless.

* * *

I always knew the ballroom was big, but no one knew just how big — a chamber so large and roomy that you could fit an entire house inside and still have plenty of space left over. What a grand place it must’ve been in its heyday. Suddenly, I heard something — the unmistakable “swishing” noise that accompanied the appearance of all Heartless, no matter how great or small. A pair of Neoshadows arose from the floor. Then, four more appeared, eyeing me as warily as I did them. They’re a lot smarter than your typical swarmer, more calculating and less inclined to mindlessly charging into death in the hopes that numbers alone will be their saving grace. So, I decided to be a little cheeky with them.

“Shall we dance?” I asked, smiling at them as obnoxiously as possible, at which point I summoned my Eternal Flames. This was shaping up to be quite a fiery ball.

* * *

At this point, the music in my head started playing — not Shosty this time, but Tchaikovsky. Everyone has heard of him, right? A [waltz-like tune](https://open.spotify.com/track/56v8OJa5XL0CKC5nThUL9r?si=aTxcx25JQXWQoEWggBxuvg)* rang out in my ears, led by the strings, which practically groaned and whined as if in desperation. But it wasn’t a “proper” waltz; something about it was off, which was perhaps the point. The Neoshadows began swaying, seemingly dancing along to its unusual pattern. _Was the music really all in my head?_ I thought.

We kept this up for some time when, abruptly, the energy of the music shifted. Louder, faster, more anxious, more desperate. As if on cue, one of the Neoshadows lunged forth, moving in a zigzag motion. I countered with my own, shifting in the opposite direction: Every time it ran right, I turned to my right, increasing the space between us; every time it changed course, so did I. The goal was to confuse and exhaust, but the Neoshadow caught onto my ruse and surprised me by moving to my left. Just as it was about to strike, I pulled up my chakrams in defense and held my feet to the floor, blocking its attack. Then, I activated my chakrams, burning but not killing the Neoshadow, which ran away, literally kicking and screaming. That seemed to have prompted the others to give chase, led by two in front.

“Huh, you wanna party?” I teased, hurling a chakram against one of them at full force, striking them dead. “I’ll show you a party!”

With that, I tossed my remaining Eternal Flame toward the next Neoshadow, then vaulted for the ceiling, reaching for the chandelier, but missing by a hair.

“Shit!”

As I descended, I re-summoned the Eternal Flames and swung them over two of the bastards in the middle of the pack, which had doubled in size. Well, damn — now, I was surrounded by them! They really left me with no choice. The Neoshadows were clawing at and piling on top of me, but they didn’t anticipate what I did next: I exploded in flames, instantly incinerating half a dozen of them. For a few seconds, I really was a “flurry of dancing flames,” fire in human form, which served to disperse the pack into several smaller groups.

The flames died down, and I was Axel again, but that transformation, rare though it was, always took a toll on me. The Neoshadows all galloped toward me just as the music gained the greatest intensity, strings screaming, brasses blaring, and drums banging away. Suddenly, I summoned a giant wall of flames; anything foolish enough to pass through would turn to ash. Amazingly enough, four of the fuckers managed to reach me, but not without suffering severe burns. One after the other lunged at me like a cat pouncing on its prey, but each time, I defended myself with my chakrams, shoving them aside like ragdolls to feed to the fire. The music had quieted some, but I suspected my job here wasn’t done just yet.

When the wall of fire died down, I was rudely reminded why I was right to be suspicious: There were now more than two dozen Neoshadows lying in wait. Saïx did say _packs_ , didn’t he? _Why do I always end up with the icky jobs?_

“All right, you fuckers, this is your last chance to dance with the one and only Axel!”

* * *

I was rather proud of my handiwork: The ballroom was a mess, strewn with the corpses of Neoshadows everywhere. They’d soon fade away anyway, disintegrating into dust. The floor, sadly for the Beast, was another matter — those burn marks from when I summoned my wall of flames were going to stay for a very long time. No amount of washing them was going to clean up the mess I made. I was exhausted, and I could hear the final strands of [Shosty’s eighth symphony](https://open.spotify.com/track/1jlenP0USWqWc3XzB4IlHN?si=qRl5Sy-IRvOifpkj_s7DnQ).** Perfectly appropriate for the occasion, really — the music sounded as tired as I was. It takes a lot to get a Nobody like me to feel tired, though much more than when I had a heart. That made me wonder: Will I feel more powerful with a new heart, or less? I’d ponder on this question from time to time, never quite managing an answer. I guess this is how Zexion must feel when his curiosity isn’t sated. Speaking of Zexion, how was work on that book Roxas and I procured for him? It’d been a few days since we last spoke, reasoning that it was best to leave the cute little nerd to his own devices, but surely he made some more progress in the intervening period. Since I was unlikely to see Roxas at all today, there was no point in returning to the usual spot, so instead, I was going to pay Zexion a little visit after reporting to Saïx.

I opened a portal and returned to the Castle That Never Was.

* * *

“Good to see you made it back in one piece,” Saïx said in his typically passive-aggressive tone of voice.

“Those Neoshadows just didn’t know the meaning of ‘give up,’” I said casually. “So glad I’m done with them.”

“Roxas is back,” Saïx said suddenly.

“Oh?” My ears perked up. “Really? Let me guess: Xemnas is still keeping the lid shut on just why he needed him?”

“Yes.”

“Very well. I was planning on seeing Zexion today, but now that Roxas is back, I may make a few adjustments to my plans.” _Ice cream time, baby!_

“I’m sure you will,” Saïx replied coolly.

* * *

I arrived near the library to see a welcome sight: Roxas sat in a chair in front of Zexion’s desk, while Zexion appeared to be multitasking, providing him lessons as he pored over the contents of that ancient tome of his. His slightly pointed ears perked up as if detecting a new presence come near the library.

“Ah, Axel, good to see you again,” Zexion greeted me in his typically polite manner. “But I take it you’re here to see Roxas?”

“Not exactly,” I countered sheepishly. “Actually, I came here to see you, but Saïx surprised me when he said Roxas came back. I wasn’t expecting to see him with you.”

“Hmm,” Zexion nodded solemnly. “And you came here to inquire into my research?”

“Yes. By the way, how’ve you been, Roxas? Sorry for ignoring you like that.”

“It’s ok, Axel. What matters is that we get to see each other again. Sure felt like forever with Xemnas.”

“Well, it was for something important, and the Superior sure likes to take his time if he thinks it needs to.”

“Yeah, I suppose so.” I conspicuously avoided the question on my mind regarding Roxas: _Why did Xemnas take him with him?_

“Anyway, gentlemen,” Zexion interrupted tentatively, consciously trying not to appear rude. “Apologies for the haste, but I made a lot of progress that I will need to report to Saïx and the Superior, so I can only provide you a brief summary of my findings to you.”

“That’s no problem,” I reassured him. “Shoot.”

* * *

In a nutshell, the first few chapters of the old book detailed just what the Heartless really were. They were _not_ , as we’d been led to believe, the physical manifestation of our inner darkness; they always existed outside of us, distinct and separate from living things. The Heartless are both attracted and repulsed by light — they seek it out like moths to a flame, but unlike the moths, they want to snuff it out wherever they find it. Hence, why they steal people’s hearts — so that they can destroy them. That gave a whole new meaning to the term “release” that we’d been using to describe defeating Heartless with the Keyblade: Roxas wasn’t releasing the Heartless, per se, but the hearts they stole and diverting them to Kingdom Hearts. The book went as far as to argue that we ought to call these creatures “heart thieves” since that more accurately describes their purpose, though it did concede that the name “Heartless” has stuck.

But the most provocative claim was that these heart thieves were, in fact, artificial constructs, having only existed for a few years at the time of the volume’s writing.

“Furthermore,” Zexion explained, “the Heartless have a ‘guiding hand’ seemingly systematically directing their actions. A leader, perhaps a sentient, nay, a sapient Heartless among them?”

“Uh, you kind of lost me at ‘sentient’ and the other word,” Roxas said self-consciously.

“He means a human-like Heartless,” I said. “A Heartless that can somehow think and act on its own like we do.”

“Really? That sounds… so weird.”

“Well, in a universe such as ours,” Zexion said, “anything is possible. We are not even supposed to exist, yet here we are, existing, plainly in defiance of the natural order.”

“What do you mean?” Roxas asked, puzzled.

“Wait, do you mean to tell me that no one has yet informed you what we are?” Zexion asked, apparent shock written all over his face. “We are Nobodies…” And he went onto explain using some weird analogy about a cat in a box that’s somehow both alive and dead at the same time because the box is unopened and that the uncertainty over what’s inside is the reason why the cat is simultaneously dead and alive. I explained it as standing over a line with each leg on either side of the line, one side representing existence, the other non-existence.

“Since we’re right _on_ the line, and our legs are on both sides of it, we Nobodies both exist and do not exist. Remember that Aladdin kid?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember how he mistook you for someone who may no longer exist? At the moment, we existed to him, but we no longer do now.”

“I… think I get it,” Roxas said, not convinced by his own words.

“Yeah, it’ll just make sense one day.”

“Indeed,” Zexion nodded. “Anyway, I have to go present my findings to the higher-ups.”

“Good luck,” I said, giving him a tongue click and a finger gun. For a split second, I thought I spied a blush, but Zexion quickly passed through a Corridor of Darkness before I could confirm it.

“So, Roxas, you up for some ice cream?”

“Why?” _That was sudden._

“Why? What a silly question! Because we’re friends? Are you all right? You’re acting a bit like a zombie.”

“Am I?”

“Well, yeah. From my perspective, at least, you are. But let’s not fret over that.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s go.”

What a strange response. _Why?_ What have we been doing these past six days? What exactly did Xemnas _do_ with Roxas? Or _to_ him? So many questions — they just might spoil my appetite if I keep this up.

* * *

There wasn’t much to talk about at the Clock Tower — Roxas was almost certainly “not at liberty” to talk about his day with the Superior, and I was not in the mood to talk about killing a bunch of Neoshadows, which Roxas hadn’t met yet and I hoped he wouldn’t have to. So, the end of our day was a quiet one, the only sound accompanying us that of the wind and the [faint strumming of a guitar](https://youtu.be/ljc7jwVYVQw)*** somewhere in the distance, with a pretty sunset for good measure. Ah, this is the life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Symphony No. 4 in F Minor, Op. 36: I. Andante sostenuto - Moderato con anima - Moderato assai, quasi Andante - Allegro vivo by Pyor Ilyich Tchaikovsky  
> ** Symphony No. 8 in C Minor, Op. 65: V. Allegretto by Dmitri Shostakovich  
> *** Lazy Afternoons by Yoko Shimomura


	7. Day 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A “new comrade has been chosen to wear the coat,” and Axel is not sure what to make of this sudden development.

A flute solo heralded the arrival of morning.

_[DOO… DOO-doodooDOO… Doodoo-DOO… DOO-doodooDOO… Doodoo-DOO-DOO-DOO… Doodoo-DAH…](https://open.spotify.com/track/4eTWHCNov0uZdToJMHKUGE)*_

My eyes opened to fluffy white clouds and a sapphire blue sky, the sun still only peeking from the horizon. I could feel the grass beneath my skin. It was surprisingly gentle, not the usual coarse stuff one expects. It caressed my head and my feet, my neck and my calves, my shoulders and back and — wait a minute.

_Am I…?_

I got up to find myself almost naked, save for the underwear serving as the only barrier between nature and me.

By this point, the other woodwinds and the horns joined, followed very closely by a harp twinkling away. I took in the sight before me: a meadow dotted with patches of flowers of all kinds, birds and bees and butterflies flitting and flying about. The sun had now taken a more prominent position in the sky, and it nearly blinded me. As I looked away, putting my hand up to guard my eyes, I noticed someone else. A boy lay next to me. By the looks of it, he was almost the same size as me. He wore medium-length blue hair…

_I-Isa?_

I cleared my throat awkwardly. _Did… did we do something together? Why are we in our underwear?_

“Good morning, Axel,” he greeted. His voice… It wasn’t _his_ voice — someone else’s.

“What?” I asked stupidly.

“I said, ‘Wake up, Axel!’” I stumbled and fell out of my bed, all tied up in my blanket, Saïx staring at me gravely.

“Oh, it’s you,” I reassured myself aloud.

“Who else would it be? Get up and get out of bed. We have an important meeting in the Round Room today. Everyone must attend.” _That’s odd…_

“Again?”

“Yes,” Six answered tersely. “Oh, and… put some clothes on.” He turned and walked into a Corridor of Darkness.

Great. Another meeting. What I would do for a day full of sleep.

* * *

Everything changed on the seventh day of Roxas joining the Organization.

Two things happened: First, Xemnas announced that starting tomorrow, I wasn’t going to supervise Roxas for an entire week. I wasn’t going to let that blow to my ego slide.

“Oh, and what for? I, for one, think I’ve been a stellar babysitter.”

“Hey!” Roxas grumbled.

“Relax, kiddo, I’m only joking.”

“There is no reason for you to worry, Flurry of Dancing Flames,” Xemnas calmly reassured me. “It is my belief that you have served Roxas well as his supervisor, and it is time for him to interact with the other members of the Organization. Surely, you do not dispute this.”

“Well, no, not necessarily, but—”

“Then, it is settled,” he interrupted me. “Besides, Axel” — rarely did he ever refer to me by name — “a week is not forever.”

Xemnas went on to argue that Roxas should have the broadest skill set of all of us so that he could deal with the Heartless as effectively as possible. I begrudgingly conceded to the Superior, but I had a feeling that this scheme of his wouldn’t work.

The next announcement made was much more surprising.

“Good tidings,” Xemnas began. “Today is a momentous day. I am pleased to announce that a new comrade has been chosen to wear the coat.”

In walked a petite, feminine figure — even shorter than our lone female member Larxene. Her face was obscured by the hood she wore, but I could still make out the shape of her chin, which ended in a point.

“Number XIV,” the Superior continued. “Let us all welcome one of the Keyblade’s chosen.” _Another Keyblade wielder? Now, things were getting super weird._

* * *

Her name Xion, and the was the extent of my knowledge about her. For ten years, we had obsessed over finding a thirteenth member to fill out once-empty chair, but now we had a fourteenth? And she could wield a Keyblade too? _What do you have in store for us, old man?_

Anyway, we all had to head out on reconnaissance missions. Since this was going to be my last day with Roxas until the end of next week, Saïx assigned us the both to survey Beast’s Castle, a breeze considering I’d just paid it a visit and cleaned it up. Was Saïx feeling generous today? Sympathy for a devil like me? He wouldn’t care enough to make sure Roxas and I were together otherwise, I don’t think.

Perhaps I was too hard on Saïx after all these years. Perhaps… No. Lea and Isa are asleep now.

Forever.

* * *

We arrived at our assigned location without a hitch. Only there were two things different from the last I’ve been here: The ballroom was lit, and there was a carpet covering the area I singed. Looks like someone else—

“What’s this room for?” Roxas asked, ever the inquisitive one. “It’s so… fancy?” I thought of something quickly.

“Parties, I expect. Rich people parties with hoity-toity talking and dancing.”

“‘Hoity-toity’?” Roxas snickered. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Uh… pretentious? No, you don’t know that means, either. Affected. No. Ah — fancy for the sake of being fancy.” Roxas tilted his head. Such an innocent look on his face, his eyes like little sapphires — get ahold of yourself, Axel!

“Some people only dress to impress,” I went on to say. “And some extend that to the way they talk. Got it memorized?”

“Kind of like you and Zexion?” Roxas smirked.

“Zexion, maybe, but I honestly think that’s just how he talks to everyone he knows. Definitely not me, though.”

“I don’t know about that.” Cheeky little bastard. I gave him a wink, and his face suddenly turned down, as if in self-consciousness. When Roxas looked up again, his eyes were off to the side, still looking self-conscious.

“I don’t really know much about dancing…” he finally said.

“What are you talking about? I once compared fighting to dancing.”

“No, I mean — what kind of dancing would they do here?”

“Ah. Fancy ballroom dances. Waltzes, stuff like that?”

“What’s a waltz like?”

“You’re just full of questions today, aren’t you?”

“Hey!”

“Waltzes are kind of stiff, proper dances. Supposed to be really romantic and stuff.” _What did I know about romance?_

“Stiff and romantic? How does that work?” Suddenly, I had an idea.

“You know what? How about I show you what waltzes are like?”

“Show me? How?” I took his right hand with my left and place his other on my shoulder. I towered over him, as he had to look _up_ for his eyes to meet mine. _Sapphires and emeralds._

“Now, just watch my feet and do what I do. Let’s see if I can remember how the music goes…”

[ _DUH-duh, dahdahDUH, duh-DUH, duh-DUH, DUH-duh, dahdahDUH, duh-DUH, duh-DUH, DAH-duh, duhduhDAH, duh-DAH… duh-DUH, duhduhdahduhduhduhdahduh…_](https://open.spotify.com/track/79gd1pAsDWyHYxNgPEolgO)**

We both limped along to the music in my head, as this was, in fact, another one of Tchaikvosky’s “wrong” waltzes. He sure loved writing them this way, didn’t he? Never sure why, though. But Roxas didn’t seem to mind. If anything, he was having fun.

“This is kinda funny,” he remarked, gently smiling up at me.

“Shh…” I hushed him. “Can you hear the music?” We continued dancing along to the tune of this “limping” waltz.

“What music?” Roxas looked at me quizzically before he smiled again.

“Does that mean… it really _is_ all in my head?” I muttered quietly, more to myself than to him.

“What are you talking about?”

“Eh, nothing important,” I lied. _So easy, yet the pinch is there._

“Weirdo!” Roxas teased. That made us both laugh. Mine felt a bit forced, but his was so natural.

“Anyway, I said as we wound down, let’s get back to work so that we can get out of here.” Roxas nodded his head.

We never did find any Heartless in Beast’s Castle. Looks like I really took care of that problem.

* * *

_Dear Roxas,_

_If you’re reading this, congratulations. You’ve been an Organization member for a whole week. Must have been the longest week of your life, huh? Or was it existence? Non-existence? Ah, who cares? Nobodies are confusing anyway._

_What can I say? I’m proud of you, buddy. The first week is always the slowest, but every new day will tick by faster than the one before it, so make the most of each one. If I had the heart for it, I’d tell you that I’ll miss you next week. We can still see each other for ice cream on the Clock Tower, but other than that, you’ll have to deal with the rest of us._

_Take care, Roxas._

_— Axel._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Prélude à l'après-midi d'un faune, L. 86 by Claude Debussy  
> ** Symphony No. 6 in B Minor, Op. 74 - "Pathétique": II. Allegro con grazia by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky


	8. Day 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I took so long, but it was about damn time I posted SOMETHING.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Roxas was on my mind. How was he going to get along with the others? So far, he only ever talked to me (and, to a lesser extent, Zexion). Was this week going to be worth it for him? Why do I _care_? I can’t remember the last time I cared this much about anyone. So much for always asking people, “Got it memorized?” Look who didn’t remember! I needed to turn off my mind. I turned to my left — I was still in bed — and grabbed my music player. While I loved Shosty and Tchaikovsky, I wasn’t in the mood for excitement. I wasn’t sure what I wanted, except that I wanted it to be something different.

So, I started searching. My music player had access to a database where I could find anything I wanted as long as it was musical. I supposed I could spoil myself and buy some music — I had plenty of munny just waiting to be spent.

“Sibelius… Schubert… Oh, what’s this?” I stumbled upon a rather unassuming name — “Schmidt.” Franz Schmidt, to be exact. The database didn’t have much on him. The guy wrote this opera about Notre Dame, so he must’ve been familiar with that world. It was two hours long, though, and I wasn’t sure whether I could listen to that much in one sitting without getting bored.

Additionally, and what most interested me, Schmidt wrote four symphonies. The fourth was his most famous. Schmidt dedicated it as “a Requiem for my daughter,” who died in childbirth. Heavy stuff, but still… intriguing. What would make this piece stand out? I had to give it a listen.

* * *

It began with a solo trumpet. If you’ve ever heard of “Taps” — _dah, duh-DUH, dah, duh-DUH…_ — it sort of reminded me of that, only slower and more graceful-sounding.

[ _Dah… duh, dah, DOH…_](https://open.spotify.com/track/1lRd1mXOim1ZmcQGKhInKu)*

When the trumpet finished playing, the strings slowly joined — first, the violins and violas, continuing where the trumpet left off, followed by the cellos and basses plucking away somewhat menacingly in a slow, march-like tune, along with a low drum — a timpani, I think it’s called — pulsating methodically. More instruments joined until the timpani banged loudly, and all the brasses sang in a blaze of glory before everything stopped and continued quietly.

 _Dooh… dooh-DOOH, dooh…_ How creepy the brasses sounded, now muted, the lower strings plucking again, the woodwinds developing the theme initially stated by the solo trumpet.

_Dah-DUH-duh-DUH, dah-DUH-duh-duh-DUH, duh…_

So went the violins as the harp arpeggiated. Bitter, but sweet. Tender. This Schmidt guy had me hooked.

* * *

Forty minutes passed. After much [tenderness (particularly in a solo cello) and violence](https://open.spotify.com/track/5o2DeWqfOgeGIISyghF992)** in the second movement, [unease and collapse](https://open.spotify.com/track/1qxSp2wdl0dPy8wgnOFbrB)*** in the third movement, and the solo trumpet’s return in the [final minute](https://open.spotify.com/track/22NJMnhWclGTkEfRQKHKTU)*** of the symphony, I think it was safe to say I was satisfied. If only I didn’t have these damn markings below my eyes. Then, I might have cried to this, like I wanted to for Shosty’s Leningrad Symphony. All I have are memories of crying, and vague ones at that. Back when I was still Lea… Lea was such a crybaby. Fiery and passionate though he was, Lea was always sensitive. Didn’t he have a crush on a boy? Damn it, my mind is back into overdrive. I can’t wait until we complete Kingdom Hearts. Then, just maybe, I wouldn’t have to deal with—

“H-hey there. Axel, right?” A girl’s voice. Young. Innocent. No bite like in Larxene’s. Act cool.

“That’s my name. Xion, I take it?” I asked with a forced smirk.

“Yes.”

“What brings you here?”

“Sorry. I guess I got a little lost. But I recognized you by your spiky red hair.”

“Smart girl. Though it’s not like anyone else has my flaming locks!” I said smugly. That made the cloaked girl giggle a little.

“Hehe. By the way, what were you listening to?”

“Music,” I answered tersely.

“What _kind_ of music?” Curious — and a little sassy.

“A symphony. Ever heard of that?”

“No, I’m afraid not.”

“Right, you wouldn’t know. You’ve only been around for a day. Have you met Roxas?”

“R-Roxas…”

“Short kid with kinda spiky golden hair. Our resident Keyblade wielder before you arrived. You can wield the Keyblade too, can’t you?”

“Yes. Well, in theory. I haven’t been able to summon it yet.” Oh?

“Really? I’m sure you can do it. All it takes is a bit of concentration.”

“Right. I’ll keep that in mind.” Suddenly, I had an idea: I wanted to give her a tour of the place, just like I did with Roxas. Roxas… I hope whoever was with him treated him right. If he didn’t —, no, give Xion a tour.

“How about I show you around the place, so you don’t get lost again in the future. Sound like a plan?”

“Sure,” Xion replied tentatively. Never once did she pull down her hood. Xion didn’t need to keep it up all day, but I supposed that was just her style.

* * *

We toured around many of the same areas that Roxas and I traversed on his first day at the Organization — the Round Room, the training grounds, and so on. Along the way, I asked Xion about her previous life. Like Roxas, she had no memories before becoming a Nobody. Suddenly, I thought of Zexion — it’d been a while since I last spoke with that cute little nerd. Our Keyblade wielders would make interesting subjects for him. But then I thought of Demyx. When was the last time we talked? Were it not for him, I would’ve shown no interest in music. And Xion seemed curious about it too.

“Hey, Xion, let’s see Demyx!” I said excitedly.

“Who’s that?”

“Slightly shorter than me, he’s got dirty blonde hair, and his weapon’s called a sitar. He’s a music buff.” Despite her hood concealing her eyes, I could tell that she stared at me blankly.

“Just come with me. You’ll know him when you see him.” I opened a Corridor of Darkness, through which w both entered, ending up in Demyx’s usual spot: the Grey Area, the Castle’s lounge.

“Hey, Axel. Long time no see. What have you been up to? And who do you have with you?”

“Demyx, you were at the meeting yesterday. This is Xion. Xion, meet Demyx, our resident slob.”

“Hey!” I loved teasing him. Everyone did, really, and I was going to encourage Xion to do the same. Xion gave out a halting impression of a chuckle. She definitely couldn’t do the “pretending to emote” thing quite as well as the rest of us. Even Roxas could — no, stop bringing everything back to that kid! He’s not the center of the universe!

“Uh, Axel?” Demyx asked, eyebrow rising.

“What?” I answered a bit sharply.

“I’m… not gonna ask. Anyway, you want me to meet the new girl.”

“Yes. Maybe you could introduce her to music like you did with me.”

“Sure, but it’ll probably not be your genre.”

“No matter. Anything’s fine. Xion’s pretty curious, right?”

“Yeah, that sounds right. What’s a ‘genre,’ though, Demyx?”

“A kind of music. Music comes in many genres. Axel over here likes ‘classical music,’ which I think is very long and boring. Lots of instruments, long songs that can go on for, like, thirty minutes or something. Not my genre. I like anything featuring this baby.” Demyx summoned Arpeggio, his sitar, and showed it off.

“Is that what Axel meant by ‘sitar’?” Xion asked.

“Correct!” we both chimed in, which made all three of us laugh. Xion’s laugh sounded more genuine this time. She was learning fast.

“Watch me do this!” Demyx exclaimed as he began an improvisatory riff on his instrument. You couldn’t deny the fact that he was talented at something. Soon, waterworks started appearing (Demyx’s attribute was water). You’d think fire and water never share anything in common, but sometimes, opposites do attract, even if over one thing. _And sometimes, they don’t — the soon and moon rule over day and night, and never the twain shall meet for a reason._

Xion seemed genuinely wowed by Demyx’s display, and who could blame her? There was a time when I thought this stuff was cool too.

But, suddenly, I felt… off. I couldn’t quite sustain the feeling of “impressed” anymore because something else had come to replace it. Demyx seemed to notice and slowed down his playing. No need to ask — I think he could sense it, too. _Tension._ But where was it coming from? I excused myself and tried to leave the Grey Area when I bumped into someone, causing both of us to fall.

“Ugh, watch where you’re going, you — Roxas?” My eyes weren’t deceiving me; he was back! But so soon, though?

“Axel! Thank goodness you’re here. I need your help. Marluxia — he attacked me!” WHAT? Oh, I’m gonna _kill_ that flower boy! Just in time because a Corridor of Darkness had opened, and in came Marly. I lunged for that fucker’s throat and pinned him against the wall.

“Ack!” Marluxia cried out, too stunned to say anything.

“So, I’ve heard a little rumor going around about you,” I said acidly, my voice darkening in tone to pitch-black, which surprised even me. I liked it. It made me feel… powerful — in control.

“I heard you attacked a member of the Organization,” I continued. “You know that’s a big no-no, Graceful Assassin.”

“And I heard… that that Organization member… wears the face of a murderer,” Marluxia managed to quip.

“Bullshit!” I snarled. My grip on his neck tightened, and it began to singe.

“What’s going on?” Xion asked, genuinely flummoxed.

“Stay out of this,” Demyx told her, his own voice darkening. “Axel, let him go.”

“You’re hurting him,” Roxas managed to say almost pleadingly. But I didn’t listen. It takes a lot to douse a fire, especially one burning a fire.

“AXEL!” Sharp, pointed, condescending — Saïx. “What is the meaning of this?!” The Luna Diviner had his claymore Lunatic drawn, ready to kill anyone daring to disrupt the Organization’s harmony, so precious to him.

“Ask flower boy over here,” I answered sarcastically, refusing to loosen my grip on his neck.

“Marluxia attacked me on our mission together, and I returned to the Castle to ask Axel for help, but when Marluxia came back, Axel just… snapped,” Roxas explained.

“Snapped…” Saïx echoed almost unbelievingly. “Axel, release him.”

“What? Are you crazy? He tried to _kill_ one of our Keyblade wielders!”

“Not on _my_ fucking watch, he isn’t!” Saïx snarled wolfishly.

“Ack! Let go of me, fucker!” Marluxia cried out pathetically. I still held my grip on him.

“Now,” Saïx commanded, his voice dripping with venom. That did it for me.

“Fine,” I said through gritted teeth. I released Marly.

“Good. Now, I could have Xemnas turn you both into Dusks, and it wouldn’t especially bother me, considering you both tried to kill a member of the Organization, an unacceptable breach of conduct.” Saïx gave a grim pause. “Or… we could make a deal, with Demyx, Roxas, and Xion as our witnesses. On pain of death, none of you will ever speak of this. Do I make myself clear?” The other members nodded along. “I said, ‘Do I make myself clear?’” Oh, he wanted us to _say_ it.

“Yes, sir,” we all replied in unison.

“Good. Starting today, I will never assign another mission with Marluxia and Roxas together again. Whatever led you to attack our first Keyblade wielder, I don’t want to hear about it. Am I clear?”

“Loud and clear, boss,” Marluxia replied smugly before coughing a bit.

“And as for you, Axel. _Never_ attack another Organization member, even if they attacked one of our won. Vigilantism is _strictly_ prohibited. Understood?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” I mumbled half-heartedly.

“What was that? I couldn’t quite catch it.”

“Yes, o luminous Luna Diviner, lapdog of Xemnas!” That made Demyx and Marly giggle and snicker, but Saïx’s icy glare shut them up pretty quickly.

“Very well. To reiterate: This incident _never_ happened. Roxas, come with me. I will assign a different member to you for tomorrow.”

“Okay,” he complied.

Well, that was quite the spectacle. I can’t say I enjoyed all of it, but on balance, I think it was worth it. More than anything, I was glad Roxas was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Symphony No. 4 in C Major: I. Allegro molto moderato by Franz Schmidt  
> ** Symphony No. 4 in C Major: II. Adagio by Franz Schmidt  
> *** Symphony No. 4 in C Major: IIIa. Molto vivace by Franz Schmidt  
> **** Symphony No. 4 in C Major: IIIb. Allegro molto moderato - reprise by Franz Schmidt


End file.
